# Things your kids have said



## edicehouse (Aug 5, 2013)

Kids say the darndest things.  What are some yours have said and the situation.

My grandfather used to say all the time "We're off like a hurd of turdles" and now when I get in the vehicle with the kids and say "We're off" and they finish it.  This is an awesome memory.

The other day my youngest was eating gold fish and dropped one, she bent over, picked it up, popped it in her mouth and said "5 second rule"


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## knowltoh (Aug 5, 2013)

I was talking with my 6 yr old grandson who had been reprimanded for knocking over his little brothers block castle.

I was telling him that if he did nice things for other people, that it would make him feel good too.

He said "I tried that yesterday and I didn't feel a thing."


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## TomW (Aug 5, 2013)

My 5 year old (30 years ago) said, "um...dad....Can I have 20 piece Mac Nuggets, AND a Big Mac?  That began my brush with poverty...

Tom


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## healeydays (Aug 5, 2013)

I love when my 19 year old says, "You can't possibly know what I'm going thru".  

Uh, buddy, your mother and I were teenagers too you know...


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## edicehouse (Aug 5, 2013)

healeydays said:


> I love when my 19 year old says, "You can't possibly know what I'm going thru".
> 
> Uh, buddy, your mother and I were teenagers too you know...


 
The biggest difference is we didn't have to post everything we are going through on facebook.


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## healeydays (Aug 5, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> healeydays said:
> 
> 
> > I love when my 19 year old says, "You can't possibly know what I'm going thru".
> ...



And have to pay for it later when getting a job...

Kid finally got it, can't say the same for a bunch of his friends...


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## Displaced Canadian (Aug 5, 2013)

Why don't you put your beard on top of your head?


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## Smitty37 (Aug 5, 2013)

Yea, about 30 years ago I was getting "You just can't understand teenagers?"  My reply was "Look, I've been there and done that.  Being a teenager today is about the same as being a teenager when I was one."  I used to tell mine that the biggest difference was that we played our music at a much lower volume and the songs were better.


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## healeydays (Aug 5, 2013)

Smitty37 said:


> Yea, about 30 years ago I was getting "You just can't understand teenagers?"  My reply was "Look, I've been there and done that.  Being a teenager today is about the same as being a teenager when I was one."  I used to tell mine that the biggest difference was that we played our music at a much lower volume and the songs were better.



Songs were definitely better, but as for the lower volume, not so much.

Funny thing is my kid hates most of today's music and is a fan of the 60s & 70s era music...


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## edicehouse (Aug 5, 2013)

healeydays said:


> Smitty37 said:
> 
> 
> > Yea, about 30 years ago I was getting "You just can't understand teenagers?" My reply was "Look, I've been there and done that. Being a teenager today is about the same as being a teenager when I was one." I used to tell mine that the biggest difference was that we played our music at a much lower volume and the songs were better.
> ...


 
Come on The Stones, Aerosmith, Door, Hendrix are no way near as good as Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber, and Taylor Swift.  (It was reported that Taylor Swift waved at a boy last week and he didn't wave back, her new album will be out in 2 months)


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## tim self (Aug 5, 2013)

The wife and I and my brother was telling the oldest son (12 yrs ago) that short of murder there wasn't anything the three of us hadn't done.  And that he had to learn from his own mistakes.

Well at the ripe old age of 30, he's still learning (and paying for) from those mistakes.


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## Jim Burr (Aug 5, 2013)

Although very book smart (scholarships all the way through private university) our daughter has not one lick of common sense. Picked her up from swim practice when she was about 14; pouring down rain, pitch black. Me "Do you guys ever get wet when you swim in the rain?" Her "Oh no daddy...only when we stick our heads out of the water" 3 minutes later when we pulled into the garage, "DADDY!!!! That was MEAN!!!" Couple years later we were watching one of those California Cheese commercials. She has a puzzled look on her face. Me "What's wrong sweetie?" Her "I'm just trying to figure out how cows make cheese". There are more, but that's enough for an idea of our parenting time.


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## OKLAHOMAN (Aug 5, 2013)

A number of years ago I was sitting at a  Denny's restaurant and the table next to us had a boy about 4-5. The waitress asked for their orders and when she got to the little boy she asked "now sweetheart what are we having today" he didn't skip a beat and replied "I want a Jack and water no ice". I had coffee all over the table. Always wondered where his parents had taken him to have him repeat that.


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## George417 (Aug 5, 2013)

I read the book "Kids Say The Darnedest Things" by Art Linkletter many years ago and kinds are still saying some of the darnedest things that will cracky you up and have you rolling on the floor and have you gasping for breath.


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## randyrls (Aug 5, 2013)

healeydays said:


> I love when my 19 year old says, "You can't possibly know what I'm going thru".
> 
> Uh, buddy, your mother and I were teenagers too you know...




It's called "Mutual Amnesia".   Teenagers forget that their parents were teenagers at one time.  Parents forget that they were teenagers at one time.  Is that redundant??


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## edicehouse (Aug 5, 2013)

I was made aware the same stuff I was doing as a teen ager was done for generations before.  I was raised by my grandparents, and got busted for something.  My grandfather pointed out that at 17, my Uncles were doing the same thing, at 17 he was doing the same thing.......


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## randyrls (Aug 5, 2013)

George417 said:


> I read the book "Kids Say The Darnedest Things" by Art Linkletter many years ago and kinds are still saying some of the darnedest things that will cracky you up and have you rolling on the floor and have you gasping for breath.



Yep!  In those days, everything was LIVE! There was no pre-recorded editing, no five second delay.

I remember they had some standard stock questions like "Where do your parents say you came from?"  They got some of the standard answers like, "The doctor brought me in his little black bag", "The stork brought me", etc.  One imaginative little one said, "My mother had to go to the hospital and they have all these babies behind a big glass window and she picked me out!"

But one little girl stopped the show.....

She said, "I don't know, whenever I ask, my mother giggles and says something about the milk-man".  Art Linkletter just gasped and tried to keep from bursting out laughing.  He then turned to the camera and said, "With that I think we'll go on!",  He then turned back to the girl and commented, "I have some advice for you, don't go home!"  It still makes me laugh even after all these years....


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## Tom D (Aug 5, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> healeydays said:
> 
> 
> > I love when my 19 year old says, "You can't possibly know what I'm going thru".
> ...


 
And we still don't HAVE TO!!!


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## PenMan1 (Aug 5, 2013)

I told my nephew, who was just learning to tie shoes, that he had put his shoes on the wrong feet.

He looked down, looked around and said "Nope, I'm right. These are the only feets I got".


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## Waluy (Aug 5, 2013)

My two year old daughter Jade came in to the living room carrying the bisquik box and saying eat.
So I said "Jade do you want pancakes or pizza?"
Jade: "Pizza"
My Wife: "That was a very distinct pizza. Jade do you want pancakes or pizza?"
At this point Jade insists on seeing what is in the pancake box.
Wife opens the box: "See Jade its just powder."
Jade inserts her hand into the powder and eats some and the look on her face says she's not sure if she likes it or not. Then promptly says "No pancakes, pizza."

Gotta love two year olds.


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## jsolie (Aug 5, 2013)

Jim Burr said:


> Although very book smart (scholarships all the way through private university) our daughter has not one lick of common sense. Picked her up from swim practice when she was about 14; pouring down rain, pitch black. Me "Do you guys ever get wet when you swim in the rain?" Her "Oh no daddy...only when we stick our heads out of the water" 3 minutes later when we pulled into the garage, "DADDY!!!! That was MEAN!!!" Couple years later we were watching one of those California Cheese commercials. She has a puzzled look on her face. Me "What's wrong sweetie?" Her "I'm just trying to figure out how cows make cheese". There are more, but that's enough for an idea of our parenting time.



Whatever you do, do NOT tell her that if she sees this symbol on her dash it means she's out of blinker fluid...







:biggrin:


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## The Penguin (Aug 5, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> healeydays said:
> 
> 
> > Smitty37 said:
> ...



I'd gladly listen to Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber or Taylor Swift instead of the "dubstep" stuff (crap) my stepson likes.


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## Smitty37 (Aug 5, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> *Come on The Stones, Aerosmith, Door, Hendrix* are no way near as good as Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber, and Taylor Swift. (It was reported that Taylor Swift waved at a boy last week and he didn't wave back, her new album will be out in 2 months)


Those are the ones I was referring to as so Awful.

Music was lower, if for no other reason, because the insturments were all acoustic during my growing years.  And few bands even had a rudimentary sound system at all, usually no mics, the announcers just had to speak up. 

Hi-Fi recordings started becoming available about the time I joined the Navy and Stereo a year or two later.

When a singer made a record in my youth, the singer's voice, not the band instruments, was what you heard.  The background music was not all guitars and bases it featured many insturments - Orchastras and bands were in and they featured many different insturments, guitars were usually in Country groups and were most often played by the singer.

If we hired a 5 piece  band to play for a dance, they would all arrive half an hour before the dance started in one car with their insturments.   Now the 18 wheeler for the band's electronics shows up two days before the show with a 10 person crew to get it unpacked and set-up.


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## skiprat (Aug 5, 2013)

When we first arrived in the UK, my youngest son, about 4 at the time, hurt himself and I took him to the hospital.
We were in the crowded waiting room for about an hour to be seen and my lad comes up to me and says, in a very loud voice......

'Daddy?
'Yes lad?'
'You see that lady over there?'

Uh oh !!! Where's this going??? I think to myself.

'er, yes lad....'

'She looks just like Jack's mummy'

Phew !!!:redface: That was close !!  I mean this lady was HUGE...and she glanced up at us while drinking her Coke

'er yes lad'


Ten seconds later he's over at the kiddie play area and calls back.....


'But Jack's mummy isn't so fat!!'

Absolute silence.......

Quiet voice from the receptionist...

'er ...Mr Jackson......the Doctor will see you now'



Out of the mouthes of babes...


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## Gary Beasley (Aug 5, 2013)

My youngest granddaughter commenting on some simplicity, "It's not rocket surgery!"


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## OLDMAN5050 (Aug 5, 2013)

Had a sitter  keeping my boys ( a high school girl) when I came hope from work the girl had the pantry tore up and I said what are you looking for? Her reply was the boys wanted grits for breakfast and I am looking for the yield. I said what? her reply was well the directions say 1/2 cup grits 1 cup water and yield 2 cups.. I told her it was time she went home.


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## TellicoTurning (Aug 5, 2013)

I was a single father raising my son and had some great experiences with him along with some pretty great conversations.  

When  we moved from California back to Texas, I took him to church one  Sunday... as we were doing hymns, I dutifully was adding my voice to the  congregation... suddenly, I got an elbow in my ribs and this 8 year old  in a very distinct stage whisper said, "Dad, Dad, don't sing you sound  terrible"... I always hum in church now.

Once trying to get him  to eat some sort of vegetables, I was informed "I don't eat plants"....  then a few years later, he tried a salad at an Italian restaurant...  after a couple of mouthfuls he look across the table and said, "This is  good, how come you never served me a salad before?"

When he was  about 12, he went over to visit a friend in the neighborhood with strict  instructions to be home before dark... just about dark I got a phone  call asking if he could stay just a little longer... "There's a girl  here and she's a stone fox"... turned out she was 16 and he was hitting  on her... knew I was in trouble after that. 

He was a latchkey  kid from about the age of 10... he called me at work one afternoon and  asked if he could give the cat a bath... I said "No, cats don't like  water"... his reply was " Pye didn't mind "... it's easier to ask for  forgiveness than for permission?


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## steamshovel (Aug 5, 2013)

I grew a beard for Christmas and it was a big long white beard-matched the white hair on my head. Christmas came and a few days later I shaved it off while my granddaughter watched, her face went from happy smiling sweet 4 year old and when I finished she started crying. It made me feel bad so I asked her what was the matter. She said Grandpa shave it back on.

Steamshovel


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## edicehouse (Aug 5, 2013)

At my grandfathers funeral his old boss at Planters told a story, and this is how he got his nickname at work.

We were at Gerry's (the boss) house, and my grandfather was giving me words of wisdom on something.  More or less we were joking around.  Well when he finished what he was saying I said "I don't think so Homer".  I had called him that for a while, but when Gerry heard that, it stuck with him and he remembered that 20 years later.


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## Jim Burr (Aug 5, 2013)

To add fuel to the fire...
T was driving me around town knowing we were picking up my wife and going to a movie...just waiting on a time. Mommy called..."hey...I bought tickets for 12:05" Me...mommy said we have tickets for 12:05". Her "Wow...I thought they were more expensive!...
I continue my rehab!!


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## stonepecker (Aug 5, 2013)

And to remember my son's childhood......he loved Shania Twain.
One day his mother asked him how it was going......He broke into "Honey, I'm home and I've had a hard day....."

And you haven't lived until you hear your 3 1/2 year old son singing at the top of his lungs......"Man! I feel like a woman!"

12 years later I still laugh about this.


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## sbwertz (Aug 5, 2013)

My neighbor and I were wallpapering her bathroom.  Our communal five children kept opening the door and hitting the stepladder I was standing on trying to paper above the door, so I finally locked the door to keep from being knocked off the stool.

We heard the doorbell ring and someone ask "Is your Mommy home?"  "Yes," her oldest answered, "but she's locked in the bathroom with Mrs. Wertz."


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## OOPS (Aug 5, 2013)

Its not just the kids who say the funniest things.  My mother raised three boys and I think we kept her at her wits end most of the time.  She had something she would add to most of her sentences when trying to get us to do something.......and Hush!

So it was, "Eat you dinner and hush!"  or "Get in the bathtub and hush!"  etc.

One day she was especially flustered and said, "WHAT?  SPEAK UP AND HUSH!"


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## Smitty37 (Aug 6, 2013)

We had been given a dozen ears of sweet corn and were getting them ready to go in the pot one of the girls (maybe 2 - 3 years old) was working very hard trying to shuck an ear....after a bit she handed it to me and said "Take it's pants off daddy".


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## markgum (Aug 6, 2013)

Daughter looking at one of my High School year books:  "Daddy, were you a Beattle"?


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## tim self (Aug 6, 2013)

The daughter was 3 and one day the wife was visiting a neighbor.  Suddenly she had a tummy ache and had LOOSE bowels.  Wife ask her what was wrong.  She replied, "mommy, I have gonorrhea."  We still wonder where she learned of that.


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## Smitty37 (Aug 6, 2013)

*color confusion*

My eldest who was a smart kit (graduated 4th of 95 from HS, National Honor Society, appointment to USCGA,etc.) had a little problem learing about colors and in trying to teach him one day my wife pointed at the sugar bowl on the table and asked "What color is the GREEN sugar bowl?"  His quick reply with a proud smile was "BLUE mommy.".


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## sbwertz (Aug 6, 2013)

My kids were raised in the desert.  On our first road trip we were driving across I40 through Oklahoma.  My five year old daughter, who had been asleep, woke up and looked to the side of the road at a forest about half a mile away.  "What ARE those, Mommy?"  "Those are trees, Kathy." She answered in awe, "You mean real WILD trees?  Nobody PLANTED them?"


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## Gary Beasley (Aug 6, 2013)

sbwertz said:


> My kids were raised in the desert. On our first road trip we were driving across I40 through Oklahoma. My five year old daughter, who had been asleep, woke up and looked to the side of the road at a forest about half a mile away. "What ARE those, Mommy?" "Those are trees, Kathy." She answered in awe, "You mean real WILD trees? Nobody PLANTED them?"


 
I know what she felt like. After living in Casa Grande for a year I was on my way to Georgia. Way after dark I crossed the Mississippi and was confused by the canyon walls on either side of the road, till I go a good look from some passing headlights...trees.


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## John Pratt (Aug 6, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> The other day my youngest was eating gold fish and dropped one"


 
Wait..What?


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## sbwertz (Aug 6, 2013)

John Pratt said:


> edicehouse said:
> 
> 
> > The other day my youngest was eating gold fish and dropped one"
> ...



Kind of hard on the goldfish.  REALLY fresh sushi?


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## edicehouse (Aug 6, 2013)

sbwertz said:


> John Pratt said:
> 
> 
> > edicehouse said:
> ...


 
The crackers....


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## LagniappeRob (Aug 6, 2013)

sbwertz said:


> John Pratt said:
> 
> 
> > edicehouse said:
> ...



Otto: Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet.


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## dartman (Aug 6, 2013)

one day Riding along in the car ,with my 10 year old in the back seat I hear her say sh%$.I turn and say what did you just say? Being quick,she says hit,a bug came in and hit me in the cheek.My wife and I just looked at each other and smiled.


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## John Pratt (Aug 6, 2013)

edicehouse said:


> sbwertz said:
> 
> 
> > John Pratt said:
> ...


 
Ok, now it makes sense. My youngest has a couple gold fish and I was trying to picture her plopping a couple down for a quick snack. Crackers makes a whole lot more sense.


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## dwarmbrodt (Aug 6, 2013)

OK, my son was about 20 at the time, but here is my story. About 10 years ago when I was working for Lasermax, maker of handgun weapon laser sights we needed a few action photos for the catalog. We needed a "thug" and they knew my son to have that look so they hired him for this. Dressed in ripped jeans and a dirty "A" shirt he shows up. We also got 2 cops from the local PD to be the arresting officers in the pic. On the concrete warehouse floor they handcuffed him and gently lowered him face down on the concrete. The one cops says " don't struggle, you will just hurt yourself". My son rolls his head up and looks at the cop and says...."I've been here before!". Words a parent doesn't want to hear... all laughed.


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## sbwertz (Aug 7, 2013)

My dad once sent my 16 year old brother to the hardware store for a can of WD-40.  After a while he got a call from the hardware store, asking what he wanted to buy.  Dad told him WD-40.  The clerk laughed and said my brother was asking for DW-20. (This was back in 1960 when WD-40 was new on the market.)

It has been called "good old DW-20" in my family ever since.


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## knowltoh (Aug 7, 2013)

I had a friend years ago that sent his son to the hardware store to get some "left hand screws".  Not sure the kid ever talked to his dad again.


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## stonepecker (Aug 7, 2013)

This was many years ago and had nothing to do with any family members.  My friend is an auto mechanic and told the little lady that her car wasn't ready yet.  She asked how long and he said he needed at least another hour to change the summer air out of the tires and put in winter air.

She left, only to return after noon lunch.


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## PTownSubbie (Aug 7, 2013)

It was Christmas time when we took the kids to see Santa. My son was sitting on Santa's lap and this was how the conversation went:

Santa: "What do you want to do when you grow up little guy?"
Son: "I want to be an engineer."
Santa: "So you want to build bridges?"
Son: "No Santa, I am going to drive a train. Don't you know?"

I must say, the look on Santa's face was priceless!!!


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## Hexhead (Aug 23, 2013)

Granddaughter while riding in my truck asked Grandpa are you even listening to me? I yes of coarse, she said repeat back what I just said. Busted, I listen now!


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## randyrls (Aug 24, 2013)

Our grandkids 4 & 5 were visiting us and were fascinated by the pool game on the computer.  They played for hours, but finally I said, It's 9:30, time for bed.  Kathleen asked "Granpa Randy, can we play again tomorrow?"  I told here she could and both went happily to bed.

(Image of a clock showing 6:30am)
I feel a gently tapping on my arm, and a whisper, "Granpa Randy, it's morning, can we play pool again?"  Happy memories!


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