# Retard  Retardo  SpEd



## DocStram (Jan 15, 2010)

Every person of faith ponders the question of why they're on the planet.  I, like many other here in IAP, believe that I was put on the planet to serve. My way of serving, for the last 40 years of my professional and personal life has been to serve those who cannot speak up for themselves . . . namely, children with disabilities.  

As a child of immigrant parents (Italian and Russian), I was taught that "every person matter, every person counts."  This holds especially true for my fellow human beings who happen to be mentally retarded (Intellectually Disabled). In the early years of my professional career I fought to shut down the institutional warehouses that dehumanized the mentally retarded.  I also taught Special Education in the public schools and watched as my students were humiliated and ridiculed by so called "normal students". 

My convictions are who I am as a person and professor.  I stand ready to advocate for the rights of the disabled and to speak up when I see those who cannot speak up for themselves being marginalized by others.  In my opinion, calling someone a "retard" or "SpEd" . . .  or laughing about someone "riding the short bus" are attempts to marginalize and dehumanize others. In my book, I fail to see the humor in calling others names that refer to disabling conditions.  

In my thinking, this has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with standing up for children with disabilities.

Please note that this post is not in the slightest way intended to insult Justin.  He and I have pm'd each other several times and respect each other's position, even though we may disagree.  

I just wanted to share my thoughts with the members of IAP.  A caring community embraces those who value and respect others, including those with disabilities.


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## Dalecamino (Jan 16, 2010)

Got my attention Al .


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## Jim15 (Jan 16, 2010)

Thanks for all you've done for all those years Doc.


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## mtgrizzly52 (Jan 16, 2010)

Thank God for the message you learned from your parents, and Thank God for you! I totally believe we are here to serve those with less, and you are serving the most needy.

God Bless You!

Rick (mtgrizzly52)


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## DocStram (Jan 16, 2010)

When reading back over my post . . .  it looks like I'm trying to pat myself on the back.  I'm really not.  I'm just trying to put into perspective why I object so strongly to certain terms that I find demeaning.  There are countless people in IAP who serve others, I just happen to be one of many.


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## Gary Max (Jan 16, 2010)

Heck---it does my heart good to see someone stand up for what they believe in. What a great place this planet would be if more folks thought the same way.
Personally I would like to thank you for knowing what is good and taking a stand.


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## fiferb (Jan 16, 2010)

Well stated my friend.


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## papaturner (Jan 16, 2010)

Amen.........Well said.


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## Daniel (Jan 16, 2010)

Thanks Doc, I also cherish the "Sensitive" Nature of this group. It always amazes me that such a community has developed through a medium that is well known for it's anonymity and often ruder than real life activity. I also appreciate it when I see other value it as well.
I work for a large University, and on our campus we have several centers for various disabilities. We have people with medical problems of every kind imaginable since we have one of the worlds leading medical research facilities. We also have a huge Education department which is involved with everyone from Down Syndrome to Autism. I am a maintenance person but our campus is very large. it is common to have people stop us and ask for directions, this often requires almost escorting the person to where they are going. int he course of my 29 years there I have had the privilege of actually getting to know 2 Down syndrome and one Autistic persons. As is typical when I first encountered these people I was not at ease. And I want to call special attention to the fact that it was I that was not at ease, not them. It was an uncommon situation for me and everything in me wanted to just get away.

One of the things that they do in the program for Down Syndrome is to develop these students so that they can preform jobs and become self supporting in the community. This requires that they learn and practice common interaction with others in the community. This interaction includes greating, speaking and even introducing you to other people. Being an employee of the University, i am also a person that the instructors will point out as a first person to try to talk to type of person. It is in this way that i have had the benefit of interacting with people that I do not understand.

Kayle is one young lady with Down Syndrome. One skill that she is very good at is knowing when someone likes her or if they are just pretending to like her. And I liked her from the start, and she realized it. I became her favorite subject to introduce to everyone. Her isntructors, mother, brothers and sisters, other students. You name it. It became part of my daily schedule to make sure I was available for her intruductions each day. On days she did not have anyone to inroduce we woudl spend a little time jsut talking. Kayle was 18 at that time and in some ways was very child like, but in others was very much an 18 year old. She had dreams and hopes and was ery aware of her dissabilities. Eventually she developed until she was able to leave campus, get a job and now lives independantly in her own apartment. It has been heartbreaking for me to not have her on campus anymore. She tought me a lot about how to not be nervouse around those that are different and that it is much better to be something more like courious. I still do not know what to expect from each individual with a dissability. But I do approach them with a mind set that is eager to find out.
The dissabilities are not a joke, and those with them know what is going on around them. Theya re not only sensative, in some ways there sensativity is on parr with a dogs since of smell. they know when they are being laughed at or put down long before the laughter starts or the coments are being made. and Kayle showed me that yes it breaks their hearts and they do cry. They accept us even when they do nto understand out behavior, and they soetimes wonder why they are considered the ones with the disability. At times so do I.


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## wood-of-1kind (Jan 16, 2010)

Al,
service(s) well rendered.  Thank you for all you do and all that those who you will continue to "serve".


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## maxwell_smart007 (Jan 16, 2010)

Glad to see you back, Doc!  Seriously great to see you!  

The terms 'retard' and 'retarded' really gets my hackles up too, so I'm glad you spoke out, Doc.  You've done wonderful things over your career, and I highly recommend your book!  

I just wish you'd post over here more often!!


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## edman2 (Jan 16, 2010)

Doc, so nice to see you back on the forum. I, for one, have missed your wisdom and insight.  Great message for all of us.  One of the statements in my personal mission statement is "I believe all persons are created by God with intrinsic value. Therefore, I will treat all persons with dignity and respect."  Your comments resonated with me.
Don't be shy. Stick around and share your wisdom.


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## TellicoTurning (Jan 16, 2010)

DocStram said:


> When reading back over my post . . .  it looks like I'm trying to pat myself on the back.  I'm really not.  I'm just trying to put into perspective why I object so strongly to certain terms that I find demeaning.  There are countless people in IAP who serve others, I just happen to be one of many.



If you're not patting yourself on the back, let me do it for you... thank you for being the person you are.  

My brother was born in 1950 with cerebral palsy and they said a cleft palate so he never learned to speak... he was effectively an infant until he died in 1963.  We took care of him at home as long as we could, but when I left home it got to be too much for my mother and she was forced to place him in a school for retarded children..the school's designation, not mine... it was more a care facility than anything else... he received excellent care there and was assigned a 'big brother' to help care for him... the 'big brother' was in his mid to late 20's.  Even he was challenged himself, he watched over my brother even when we came to visit, he was in and out of the room a dozen times to make sure my brother wasn't upset or unhappy.  I didn't get to talk to him, but would have enjoyed a conversation with him as one big brother to another.

The only time I ever went to school with mentally and or physically challenged kids was in the 4th grade.  The new elementary school I went to was built specifically so they could work with challenged students along side the non-challenged.  My class room was next door and the boys had to share a bathroom with the class.  I don't remember anyone ever teasing or belittling the other class... we invited them to play in our recess games and generally included them as much as we could.

I have a special affinity for the challenged persons of the world and while I don't try to avoid them, because of the emotional set of my mind after losing my brother, I don't think I could work with them on a daily basis.

I admire those who can and do.... I wish we had a pat on the back smilie con... I'd give you a bunch...


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## nava1uni (Jan 16, 2010)

Thank you for your life's work.  I agree that language that we are comfortable with can be used, without thought, and cause discomfort and pain for others.  Just because everyone does it or uses the words doesn't mean that they can't or don't cause reactions in others.  I think that when someone points out such a case it would be nice if people could hear it with there open minds, rather then get offended, and try to understand that other person's perspective.  Being someone with an alternative lifestyle I have many people say mean and unkind things without knowing me or what kind of person I am.  Labels cause and allow people to say and do things that are unkind because they feel they are in the majority or that their way is the only way.  There are lots of references to God here on IAP and in the world, even when saying mean things.  I was raised like you to believe that all people are made by God, have value and contribute to the world of humanity, so I have never understood how people can be so unthinking and mean to others.  Thanks for your post.


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## angboy (Jan 17, 2010)

It's interesting to me that on a thread a few days ago I was posting, basically saying that I was OK with some labels, and gave the example of not thinking it's a bad thing to call someone a diabetic, and gave some other examples of how extreme one could get in refusing to use labels, to where we shouldn't even call someone a mother or father. I think it's challenging at times because clearly each of us has a different line where we feel like someone might have crossed over into territory where a label is being used offensively. Clearly things like tone of voice and context sometimes tell us when a label is being used in a mean way. I've never really heard someone called a "diabetic" in a nasty tone of voice like I've heard people called things like "retard", but yet when I was giving the presentation I referred to, even though I'm sure my tone wasn't mean or offensive and I'm sure it was used a neutral way, clearly someone found just the utterance of the term offensive. 

A few months ago, I saw an interesting discussion on Oprah, between her and Jay-Z, about the use of a certain word/label that starts with the letter n and is used to describe African-American men. He basically was saying that he and his friends used it as a term of affection and camaraderie, while she was saying that even between two African-American men, she thought it was insulting and was a bad term to use. He clearly had different lines from her, to where if she even heard the term used, it was offensive and insulting, whereas for him, there were conditions- if a Caucasian used it, it was offensive, but if another African-America used it, it wasn't. It was an interesting discussion and clearly even though they respect and like each other a lot, they agreed to disagree about this. But it really pointed out to me how fluid and ambiguous of an issue this can be- listening to them both, I could see both of their arguments and they both voiced clear, well-thought out, logical reasons on each side of the argument.

I guess all I'm saying is that I see it as a kind of a bell-shaped curve where some of the more offensive terms to most of us, still have some advocates out there, though they may be at the extreme end of the curve and not a high percentage of the population. I doubt there'd be too many people who would find calling someone a "nazi" to be endearing, but to a small percentage of people in the world, it may be a compliment. So I think that at a minimum, it's important to think about those terms you use and be sensitive and aware of how they may come across- how you'd feel if you were the person on the receiving end of the term being used, and even if you wouldn't be offended, to still consider if there are people who would be offended. While I still don't find it offensive to be called a "diabetic", the next time I did a professional presentation, I tried my best to remember to say "person with diabetes" simply out of respect and consideration for my audience. And certainly if I felt like I would be offended to be on the receiving end of the term, I definitely would change my usage.

I admire DocStram for posting about this, because he is right- in the case of the population he's sticking up for, it's a population that probably isn't fully able to defend themselves, as Jay-Z was able to, when challenged by Oprah, so then people who aren't able to defend themselves, whether due to age, cognitive ability, physical ability, or whatever else, sometimes need others to speak on their behalf. Just some thoughts to ponder, from my musings about this topic...


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## bitshird (Jan 17, 2010)

Al, thank you for a great post, my last five years of work was as a Machine Tool Technology instructor, I got a bit bent out of shape when the administration enrolled a student that was "developmentally Disabled" I understood that the school had no right to deny any one the opportunity to try.
 Ryan was a decent kid, he's on a local volunteer fire department, and an OK sort of kid, he was just turning 20 and had just graduated from High School. My gripe was that as a Machinist, you have to have a working knowledge of math, especially Trigonometry, I know that most pocket calculators will perform the necessary calculations but part of the curriculum was based on the show your work standard,.
But there were other things that tweaked my strings, you have to be able to react quickly and not get hurt, and basically make decisions and do some calculations on the fly, I really didn't think Ryan was a good candidate for our class.
 During breaks and at lunch a few of the other students would discuss his impairment and how it was affecting how much time the other instructor or I had to spend with them and the term Retard, Idiot, and a few other names flew around, So after an open discussion with all of the students it was decided that the next one to speak out about it would get written up. 
 Ryan didn't graduate with the highest level certificate available, but he did earn a certificate level of Production Machinist, this takes us back to one of the what I considered to be one of our "Super Star" students, (one of the main complainers about having a Retard in class) hasn't been able to hold a job over a month.
 Ryan has been working for the same company for a year, He'll never be a "Super Star" but he's my buddy, when he heard I'd cut off my fingers, he came by and offered to help me do stuff around my place, same thing when I got sick last year. 
I went by his house to wish him a merry Christmas and say hello, he introduced me to his Mom and Dad, his Mom gave me a hug and thanked me for helping her son, get an education that actually help him make a better life, and not have to work in a saw mill or logging, Kind of made me feel like I was the Retard.


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## Karin Voorhis (Jan 17, 2010)

This is great! Rock On!! Super Thanks To You!


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## jimm1 (Jan 17, 2010)

As a public educator myself, who works a great deal with our special population, I could not have stated this any better. I am lucky enough to work at a school that has been recognized nationaly as a leader in special education. A small sign that hangs in my office "YOU MATTER, YOU COUNT, YOU ARE SPECIAL"


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## jleiwig (Jan 17, 2010)

As Doc has said, we've exchanged PM's over this, but I did want to let others know my position on any word be it retard, the N word, or whatever word you want to interchange into the discussion.  

I too have worked with various special needs groups for the past 12 years professionally, my wife works as a special needs preschool teacher.  My father is disabled, two of his brothers are disabled. 

With that little bit of background out of the way to show that I'm not coming into this discussion blind, here is my take on things that was taught to me by a disabled person I know:

If any one of us, regardless of disability type, lets a word define us, then we have already lost the battle.  The minute you give your power to a word uttered by someone, then you become enslaved by that word.  

You or someone you know may be mentally retarded, but that is what you are, not who you are. It does not define what you are capable of, it does not make you any less of a person, unless you let it. 

Are you fat?  Short?  weird? effeminate? Did you get picked on a kid?  Has someone ever said something to you in spite, and it hurt?  

Sure..we all have, but do you let that word hold you back?  Do you say "Your right, I am fat, so I'm just going to sit here and be fat because that's all I can be".  

If you get your panties in a bunch because you hear someone called a retard, and you lash out at the person that said the word, do you benefit the person who was called the word?  

Nope.  Doesn't help them, not one bit.  However if you work with that disabled person and show them that through hard work and determination, no word can define any of us, then yes....you help that person. 

Organizations like the special olympics don't benefit you or I.  They benefit those people with disabilities sitting around.  They see that there are people out there just like them who haven't let a word or diagnosis rule them.  They showed the word, and in turn, the world that they are more than any one word could ever label them as.  

I hope that you learn from this and all these types of discussion, and actually do consider what I have said.  

Thanks,

Justin
(The Fat Kid)


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## DocStram (Jan 17, 2010)

I'm glad to see Justin posting in this thread.  I appreciate him taking the time to give his take on all of this.  

Just as importantly, I want to extend my apology for jumping on him in public.

There's only one little matter that stands between us.  Justin?  Can you spell S T  E  E  L  E  R  S??


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## nava1uni (Jan 17, 2010)

I really like it when there can be discussions like this here without the flaming and people getting upset.  Listening to each is a skill and when we can all do it it seems like we all benefit.  I am thankful for the spirit of this forum and all that I learn by participating.  Thanks


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## johnnycnc (Jan 17, 2010)

Doc,
I think your points are great, and this is something we all need to be more
aware of and attuned to. These folks are real people just as we all are,
and deserve the same respect and kindness we convey to anyone.
If we can look past a person's "disabilities" we will often find someone not so
different than we ourselves. My heart goes out to those who have situations
affecting their life. They need the same basic things we do; love and respect.


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## CSue (Jan 17, 2010)

Thanks Doc.  I really appreciate what you said - as well as all your service through the years.

As I was growing up, 2 of my cousins were "developmentally disabled."  My parents told me they "just thought different" than me.  So whenever I spent time with them, I tried to teach them how to "think like me."  It was always so much fun to see their parent's reactions when they would say things with an understanding that hadn't been there before - like when Teresa's mom looked past her to ask me what time it was - and Teresa looked at my watch and told her mom what time it was!

It still makes me feel good when people see and learn that just because someone looks or acts different than them, they are still "real people just like them" with aspirations, joys, sorrows and all just like them.

And it amazes me how differently I am treated by some people when I start stuttering and having spasms . . .


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## B727phixer (Jan 17, 2010)

Well said Al, thanks for your service and for your compassion.


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## OKLAHOMAN (Jan 17, 2010)

Doc, thanks for your compassion. You all must surly remember when we were kids our mother telling us at sometime when we were being bullied or called names
"Sticks and stones can break our bones but names can never harm us"
and mom was right they can't harm us physically but emotionally they can be very harmful. Tell a child that they are a "retard" enough times , or that they are stupid enough, they are effected in ways that are harmful so words can be harming. We all need to just look around us to see that words like retard, stupid,four eyes,spic,wop, etc. are all in the dictionary but can be used as slurs that harm.


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## ldb2000 (Jan 17, 2010)

Al , I know we haven't always seen eye to eye on our political beliefs but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work with these special people . My first wife suffered from a severe case of dyslexia and by a roll of the genetic dice my oldest son suffers from it as well and has been called all sorts of names over the years . We have worked hard with him and he is now main streaming in his second year of high school .


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## jleiwig (Jan 18, 2010)

I just finished reading "The Shack" by William Paul Young, and there is a section in the book that puts into words better than I can about what I was saying earlier:

"It is quite simple really.  Being always transcends appearance--that which only seems to be. Once you begin to know the being behind the very pretty or very ugly, as determined by your bias, the surface appearances fade away until they simply no longer matter."


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## drayman (Jan 18, 2010)

doc, this is a great topic that you've started. i have a grandaughter who has aspergers syndrome, she is 11 years old next week. when we go to the local supermarket to do our grocery shopping, she always gets funny looks and sarcastic comments, but she soon puts them in their place:biggrin::biggrin:
i have also got two grandsons, one who lives with us permanantly 15 months old. he is fine and dandy. his older brother who is 7 years old lives with his other grandmother because his mum cannot cope with them. now he was always shouted at,, called a retard, idiot, useless, and all the other derogatory names you can think of has effected him terribly. to the stage where he thinks he cannot do anything. but after 12 months away from mum,,,,
he's doing just great, he helps his grandad colin (me) in his shop and loves to help polish the pens. and yes i am a proud grandad.

it is not what that person looks like, it's who they are.


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## babyblues (Jan 19, 2010)

I would say that all of the "disabled" people I have known don't really want to be treated any different than anyone else.  When I was in high-school, we had a student who had to use a walker.  He used to refuse help up and down stairs.  "Don't treat me like there's something wrong with me."  They don't want special priviledges or opportunities that anyone else doesn't have.  They want to figure things out for themselves in their own way and live life the best way they can.  I don't even think of them as disabled.  I tend to treat them as if they're just normal, because that's really what they are...normal.

My friend is all but blind, but he turns pens.  Sure, he asks me to help him on some projects, but by and large he wants to figure out how to do it for himself.  If he can't do something..oh well...he just moves on to something he can do.  This past weekend, we made a pepper mill together.  The temptation was to step in and take over when he was having difficulty, but I waited until he asked me for help.  It was his project, what good would it have done him if I had just jumped in and corrected his "mistakes"?


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## leehljp (Jan 19, 2010)

When my oldest daughter left us in the early '90s and began college back in the States, she would often spend the weekend at my parents home in N. MS. A high school friend of mine who still lives in my hometown has a daughter "AK" with some mental disabilities. Today in her mid 30's she has the mind of a young teen-ager. My daughter met her while on church bus trip to the mid-south fair in Memphis. My daughter got on the bus, didn't know anyone except the pastor. There were groups  of 3 or 4 talking, except for AK who was sitting alone. My daughter sat beside her and quick realized her something different about her. AK stayed with my daughter the whole time on the trip and latched on her. They became great friends, but other girls would have very little to do with her.

When my daughter got married 5 years later, AK got mad because her "best friend" was leaving. But at that time my second daughter was back in the states in college. AK took up with our second daughter and they have remained great friends even today. My middle daughter brought AK to Japan with her last year for AK's first trip over seas, We toured Osaka, Nagoya, Tokyo and Fuji. AK loved it! Her father has a special business that helps others, but it is costly. I can't get them to charge us a dime for work that they do for us, or our daughters.

As an aside, My oldest daughter got her masters in Special Ed and will complete a second masters this fall that focuses on "gifted" children. While the need for Special Ed is recognized within school systems, many people and many teachers included, do not know how to effectively work with them academically. In her current school system, our daughter immediately recognized children who had been held back because the teachers didn't know how to deal with them on an academic scale. She has been able to show teachers what "special needs" people can do if given the chance and understanding. My daughter has the training to recognize what the specific problem is - and then be able to determine for that person what the right course of action is to give them skills and feelings of self worth. 

In getting her masters, her professor, with his PHD believed that all people have one primary culture in which they think and operate. My daughter told him he was wrong. Then she took about a dozen books to school that dealt with Third Culture kids that were not of a single culture. The Professor changed his mind with that. (I am patting my daughter on the back.  ) She has a son with Aspergers syndrome and an 12 year old son who made a 22 on an ACT test (that my daughter let him take). She treats everyone as the individual that they are. And she knows how to manipulate her dad! :biggrin:


Special Needs people: For several years I had been looking at stereogram pictures but could never "see" them. One day here in Japan, a young special needs girl about 11 or 12 taught me how to do it. She watched my eyes told me what I was doing wrong and in a matter of a couple of minutes, I learned how to "see" them. This is a young girl that had been bullied in school and basically had become withdrawn from society. For her to open up to a foreigner was very unusual, except that she saw that I was "different" too. Her mom and dad remain friends with us to this day even though we live a couple of hundred miles away.


A note on intelligence - On average, Illiterate countries have just as many geniuses per capita as literate countries. Being illiterate doesn't make one dumb.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste!


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## dustmaker (Jan 19, 2010)

I worked with a gentleman for several years that was confined to a wheel chair since his early years...car accident if I recall.  I really got to know this fellow, we worked together quite a bit and as it turns out, we shared a common faith.  From this relationship I learned that David was not disabled!  He was physically challenged, but I would not call him disabled.  That man could fly down a flight of stairs in his wheelchair with more speed and control than I could with two perfectly working legs.
One thing he shared with me one day that I think is relevant to this thread.  He expressed the desire that we all share: _not to be treated differently_.  He said he always appreciated when someone offered to help, but never wanted to feel as though anyone ever thought that he might actually need it.  And from the time I spent with him, I can tell you, this fellow rarely needed any help.  Whenever he "walked" with me in his chair, I would often have to ask him to slow down!  
It may be a subtle distinction, but whenever I see someone struggling with their infirmities (mental or physical), I always ask if they _want _some help, not do they _need _my help.  I think oftentimes, overcoming the struggles is more important than being helped, but everyone likes to feel the compassion of their fellow man.


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## CSue (Jan 19, 2010)

Great point, Frank!  Thank you.


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## redfishsc (Jan 19, 2010)

Al, very well said. I agree with it all!


Being a theology student, I see every human as a fellow image-bearer of God. 


One prominent Christian speaker refers to the developmentally handicapped as "angels unaware". The handful of autistic kids I've been around tell me this is about right.


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