# Things you wouldn't know..



## NewLondon88 (Dec 31, 2008)

Things you would never know unless you were a PenTurner..

I was going to make a list of things you wouldn't know unless you turned
pens, but I figure it might be more fun to open it up to everyone to put in
their thoughts. Extra credit for sarcasm.
Here's a start..


1. Olive trees only grow in Bethlehem

2. There are 564 methods of applying a CA finish.
   563 of them don't work. I use the other one.

3.


----------



## THarvey (Dec 31, 2008)

3.  Custom made pen improves your penmanship.

4.


----------



## intillzah (Dec 31, 2008)

4.  People don't know you can still buy ink refills

5.


----------



## keithkarl2007 (Dec 31, 2008)

5.  There are some amazingly beautiful woods out there other than our local woods 

6.


----------



## lwalden (Dec 31, 2008)

6. There are a variety of accelerants available to make "instant glue" (CA) set up even quicker- with a schism in the penturning community over "pump" vs "Aerosol"

7.


----------



## Skye (Dec 31, 2008)

7. CA burns the skin.

8. CA + Accelerator really burns the skin.

9. CA + debonder burns the skin again.


----------



## j_b_fischer (Dec 31, 2008)

10. Oval pens are a product of 'dynamic design'.

11.


----------



## GoodTurns (Dec 31, 2008)

11.  The smell of curing resin can chase you from the shop.  
12.  Some woods make curing resin smell good.
13.


----------



## Rojo22 (Dec 31, 2008)

13.  All pen turners know the importance of getting the "last cut" in before the pen is perfect....

14.


----------



## coach (Dec 31, 2008)

14.  You notice pieces of a basketball court that would look nice on your lathe while coaching a varsity boys basketball game!

15.


----------



## Rarest wood (Dec 31, 2008)

15 you learn how to hide the recipts of the last pen blanks or lathe parts from the wife or partner

16 you hide pen blanks in various places around the house just in case you need a fix

17....


----------



## jskeen (Dec 31, 2008)

17.  The smell of curing PR goes really well with Pink Floyd's  Dark Side of the Moon after about 15 minutes.  

18.  Catching a fingertip between the tommy bar and one of the dogs on a mini chuck removes a very neat 1/4 inch rectangle of skin!

19.  Drill bits come in a huge variety of sizes, except for the one you really need at a particular moment.  

19.5  If you do find the size you need, failure to replace it where easily located will guarantee you will need it again very shortly.

20.  CA does not wash out of your good shirts. 

20.5  This tends to annoy SHMBO

20.75  Saying "well, now i have another work shirt"  is a bad idea.

21.


----------



## Texatdurango (Dec 31, 2008)

17. A $46 board purchased at the local woodcraft is worth $225 if you cut it into ¾” strips 5” long and sell them as pen blanks.

18. People in the Far East dream of owning imported exotic woods such as yellow pine or red oak.

19. A woodworker calls a fellow woodworker a woodworker. A turner calls them flat workers!

20. You can look at a vase and tell how many pen blanks were wasted

21.


----------



## jedgerton (Dec 31, 2008)

17. CA can be used to turn, fix or finish anything.

18...


----------



## dntrost (Dec 31, 2008)

18. LOML seems to think I can make a pen out of anything, candy hearts, silk flowers, confettti, etc.  I think she is right...


----------



## Skye (Dec 31, 2008)

19. You can put wood in the microwave.

20. Nails make wood spark in the microwave.


----------



## cowchaser (Dec 31, 2008)

Table saw tops really do make great workbenches.


----------



## Dario (Dec 31, 2008)

(re-align nos :biggrin
30. Rotting wood is good...it is called spalted.

31. Spalted wood is a super fast CA accelerant 

32. Best way to avoid problem with SWMBO is to "recruit' her to the insanity.

33.


----------



## keithkarl2007 (Dec 31, 2008)

i was waiting to see who'd screw this up :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:


----------



## jkeithrussell (Dec 31, 2008)

CA sticks to your teeth

CA + paper towel + too much pressure on blank = wad of paper towel, smoking, stuck on your fingertip.


----------



## DocStram (Dec 31, 2008)

*
33.  Penturners qualify as addicts on A&E's "Intervention".


34.  Posting in "teal" draws complaints from IAP members.
*


----------



## wolftat (Dec 31, 2008)

35. A 3rd lathe in the shop is not excess, it is just incase you need it later.

36.


----------



## hewunch (Dec 31, 2008)

I am loving these. Too funny. Here is my attempt.

36. When you hear someone say Empty you think, "huh, I wonder if it is #1 or #2".

37. When you hear crotch, you think of where the branch meets the trunk... on a tree

38. You know how to de-prime a bullet from a gun you have never fired

39. You know where to find Acetone in the hardware store... faster than the employees.


----------



## tripletsdad1 (Dec 31, 2008)

40 you buy a 150.00 tool to make a pen.

41 then you have to buy a 150.00 tool to sharpen it. 


                                                                          bob


----------



## Freethinker (Dec 31, 2008)

33. $500 dollars for new carpet for the den seems like a needless expense, but $500 for a new lathe seems well within reason.


----------



## coach (Dec 31, 2008)

43.  The smell of turning deer antler grows on you and doesn't bother you.


----------



## wolftat (Dec 31, 2008)

44. I can never find a pen to write with when I need one.

45.


----------



## NewLondon88 (Dec 31, 2008)

I thought there might be a couple of humorous replies, but
I haven't laughed this much in ages..

.. not that anything I read seemed true or anything..:tongue:


----------



## BRobbins629 (Dec 31, 2008)

45.  Nice threads has nothing to do with clothes

46.


----------



## Scott (Dec 31, 2008)

47.  Antler dust and Mammoth Ivory dust really DO taste different, and neither is great!

48.

Scott.


----------



## dalemcginnis (Dec 31, 2008)

48.  The pen kit you need for that special pen is the one your out of.


----------



## altaciii (Dec 31, 2008)

49.  You get angry when you walk into a museum and see all the wasted pen blanks on deer mounted on the wall.


----------



## texasfootball21 (Dec 31, 2008)

50. CA bottles glue should not be opened with your teeth, especially thin CA. 

51. You measure deer antler in terms of, "That right there is one Jr. Gent, two slimlines, and maybe even a sierra."

52. You can only measure wood in 3/4" X 5 1/2" units.

53. Turn enough antler and eventually you can convince yourself that doesn't smell too bad, well maybe thats just me.

54.


----------



## byounghusband (Dec 31, 2008)

54. There are no mistakes, just "Design Opportunities"....

55.  A Credit Card Pen WILL make the scanner at Wal-Mart go crazy......  :devil:  Hehehehe!!!

56.  ANYTHING can be turned into a Pen!!!

57.


----------



## NewLondon88 (Dec 31, 2008)

54. You can always find your missing bushings the day after you buy new ones.

55. CA makes and excellent exfoliant. Especially on your right arm.

56. A wood's tendency to split is in direct proportion to it's cost.


----------



## george (Dec 31, 2008)

58. choosing between a beatiful women or a beatiful pen blank .... that is the question
59.


----------



## PenAffair (Dec 31, 2008)

59. Human Skin is the best CA Accelerant of all
60. 10 coats a CA = 3 coat on/3 coats off, 3 coats on, 2 coats off, 1 coat on, 1 coat on, 1 coat on...
61. You can't pour PR from the can cleanly
62. White pigment is the heaviest substance known to man
63. You always have the plating the customer wants, on the kit that they don't want
64. Fingers are not sufficient for holding the blank while drilling
65. You always remember you forgot to trim the blank as soon as you press the end cap on
66. There's no such thing as wood that's too green
67. The glue always dries quicker than the manufacturers recommendations
68. The glue always dries as quickly as the customer wants the pen
69. The glue never dries quick enough
70. No matter how long you wait for the glue to dry, something will still be sticky
71. Pen tubes comes with glue already on the inside, that's the only explanation....
72. You can never have too many blanks
73. You never have enough kits
74. Lathes were made for turning pens, all those bowls & spindles are just an added bonus
75. 


Russell.


----------



## L1Truckie (Dec 31, 2008)

75.  You can spend $1000 dollars on pen making equipment/supplies/books and not have turned a single pen yet......

76.


----------



## byounghusband (Dec 31, 2008)

L1Truckie said:


> 75.  You can spend $1000 dollars on pen making equipment/supplies/books and not have turned a single pen yet......
> 
> 76.



Amen!!  Yeah, the lathe is the CHEAP part!!!!!:befuddled:


----------



## rej19 (Dec 31, 2008)

76. There are always about 600 ebay listings when you search by "pen blanks"

77.


----------



## wdcav1952 (Dec 31, 2008)

DocStram said:


> *
> 33.  Penturners qualify as addicts on A&E's "Intervention".
> 
> 
> ...



77. Al has a "thing" for Randy!!!! 

78.


----------



## rdunn12 (Dec 31, 2008)

78.There is no such thing as worthless wood.(Even if it is rotten and termite infested)Thanks Hunter-27 (Landon)

79.


----------



## papaturner (Dec 31, 2008)

79. Blow-outs are not restricted to tires.

80.


----------



## thewishman (Dec 31, 2008)

80. Must remember to add in all of the IAP time when someone asks, "How long does it take you to make a pen?"

81.


----------



## altaciii (Dec 31, 2008)

81. Wearing a pink naval uniform doesn't make you a bad guy!:biggrin::biggrin:

82.


----------



## hughbie (Dec 31, 2008)

82. walking down the isle in the grocery store or walmart....and everything you see, would look good in a pen blank.....damn learning how to cast!


----------



## wdcav1952 (Dec 31, 2008)

altaciii said:


> 81. Wearing a pink naval uniform doesn't make you a bad guy!:biggrin::biggrin:
> 
> 82.



ROTFLMAO!!!!!!


----------



## Mr Vic (Dec 31, 2008)

82. Adding casting termites in PR for a blank to My New Years Resolution!

83.

Happy New Years...Vic Vickers


----------



## dkarcher (Dec 31, 2008)

83. You total your vehicle by hitting a deer and wish the deer had antler.

84.


----------



## hunter-27 (Dec 31, 2008)

rdunn12 said:


> 78.There is no such thing as worthless wood.(Even if it is rotten and termite infested)Thanks Hunter-27 (Landon)
> 
> 79.


Your Welcome!!!!

84.  When someone says they have a "crappy" pen blank, you remember that Curtis has THE "CRAPPY" pen blank
85.


----------



## TellicoTurning (Jan 1, 2009)

85.  Corncobs are not just for the outhouse anymore.

86.


----------



## altaciii (Jan 1, 2009)

86.  Everyone loves your $35 pens.  Only we know the first pen we make cost us $400-$500.

87.


----------



## Daniel (Jan 1, 2009)

87. That the IAP is about a lot more than just turning pens. We have each others backs.
88. I spent all those years loosing pens only because I never owned a pen worth "Not" loosing.


----------



## GouletPens (Jan 1, 2009)

89) You've sold hundreds of pens all over the world but the only ones you use are the broken and defective ones!

90)


----------



## lwalden (Jan 1, 2009)

90. That a $5 second hand toaster oven at the local thrift store is great for baking the clear powder coating on brass cartidges........

91.


----------



## VisExp (Jan 1, 2009)

91.  That you really do need a PayPal account in order to make pens.

92.


----------



## CSue (Jan 1, 2009)

92. You're the one of the few in California who knows when each city prunes their trees.

93. your business card gives an address to leave "wood you've pruned . . . for recyling.

94.


----------



## penmanship (Jan 1, 2009)

94. The new "words" you can come up with the second you get a blow out !!

95.


----------



## keithkarl2007 (Jan 1, 2009)

95. every tree is a potential treasure trove :biggrin:

96.


----------



## CaptG (Jan 1, 2009)

96.   The bushing that slowly rolls off the work bench instantly accelerates to warp 5 upon making contact with the floor,  opens a hyperspace window, and disappears.

97.


----------



## keithkarl2007 (Jan 1, 2009)

97. that there are many other penturners out there willing to share their knowledge and wisdom on this fine craft

98.


----------



## el_d (Jan 1, 2009)

98. Put the cap back on the pearl-ex BEFORE you sneeze....

99.


----------



## Steve Busey (Jan 1, 2009)

99. In every bag of mesquite smoking chips for the grill, there's always one free stopper blank, and an occasional pen blank!

100.


----------



## el_d (Jan 1, 2009)

100. What Lou looks like without a shirt!!!!!     You Go Lou!!!!!


 (Stumbled accross that pic a while back)


----------



## Fred (Jan 1, 2009)

101. When drilling and using a pen vise (or fingers - not highly recommended), be danged sure to remove the chuck key first BEFORE you turn on the drill press.

102. Be sure to buy a keyless MT2 chuck ASAP!

103.


----------



## GBusardo (Jan 1, 2009)

You drill the hole.....first!


----------



## fiferb (Jan 2, 2009)

103. You now know the difference between a nib and a nip.
104.


----------



## jkeithrussell (Jan 2, 2009)

104.  If you drop a screwdriver into a jar of acetone to clean off CA glue, remember to take it out of the jar before the acetone melts off the entire handle.  

105.


----------



## GaryMadore (Jan 2, 2009)

105. That the chance of a blowout is proportional to the square of the value of the wood and the amount of time you've spent turning it down (between centers, without bushings but with a micrometer, of course) until it was ready for that One Last Pass.

106. That the chance that one of your offspring will be present to hear the string of obscenities that issue from your mouth following said blowout is directly proportional to the value of the wood and the time you've spent turning it down (between centers, without bushings but with a micrometer, of course) until it was ready for that One Last Pass (and therefore proportional to both the vileness of the obscenities and the length of the period of obscenity issue).

107.

(Ahem... Of course, this has NEVER happened to me, nor were my daughter's eyes as big as dinner plates when I noticed there there in the doorway to my workshop....)

Cheers!

Gary


----------



## BRobbins629 (Jan 2, 2009)

107.  The missing minute in Ed's alternate ivory video on eroticblanks.com has nothing to do with erotic - or does it? We'll never know.

108.


----------



## Blind_Squirrel (Jan 3, 2009)

77.  There is no such thing as "the perfect finish" (yet).

78.


----------

