# HOW HARD IS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?(long)



## altaciii (Aug 31, 2010)

Just thought that some of you out there may think this is interesting.

*You think English is easy??? 

** *

1) The bandage was* wound *around the* wound. *

2) The farm was used to* produce produce *. 

3) The dump was so full that it had to* refuse* more* refuse*.

4) We must *polish* the* Polish *furniture. 

5) He could* lead* if he would get the *lead* out.

6) The soldier decided to *desert* his dessert in the* desert.*

7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to* present* the* present .* 

8) A* bass* was painted on the head of the* bass *drum.

9) When shot at, the* dove dove* into the bushes.

10) I did not* object* to the* object. *

11) The insurance was* invalid* for the* invalid. *

12) There was a* row* among the oarsmen about how to *row* .

13) They were too *close* to the door to* close* it. 

14) The buck* does *funny things when the* does* are present.

15) A seamstress and a* sewer* fell down into a* sewer* line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his* sow* to* sow.*

17) The* wind* was too strong to* wind* the sail. 

18) Upon seeing the* tear* in the painting I shed a* tear.*

19) I had to *subject* the* subject* to a series of tests. 

20) How can I* intimate *this to my most* intimate* friend? 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
*

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . 

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is *'UP.' *
**
It's easy to understand* UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
 At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? 
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.  
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. *

We seem to be pretty mixed* UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...*
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things *UP.*
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry* UP.*

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it* UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP! 
Now it's UP to you what you do with this email.


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## Manny (Aug 31, 2010)

Love it 
My wife and I are teaching our young children how to read and write and we marvel at the complexity/lunancy of our language daily.


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## renowb (Aug 31, 2010)

How about, Up Yours!  Just kidding! Yes that is very entertaining to read.


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## sgimbel (Aug 31, 2010)

OH my GOD.  Your so right!


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## turbowagon (Aug 31, 2010)

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo


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## phillywood (Aug 31, 2010)

That's why English is the way it is. I f you compare it to the other languages it doesn't contain as many letters as some other languages have and same word mean too many things and too many ways to use it,while in other languages they have plenty of word to express things or expressions. then we wonder the foreign spoken individuals have so much hard time to learn the language. And, to make matters worse when early settlers broke away from England they set out to change the language and the pronunciation of words that's why we don't sound English and people form South Africa have their own proverbs as well as Australians. And, guess what we are pushing it to become the only language of the world to use or communicate in in commerce and business. Go figure.


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## Parson (Aug 31, 2010)

I used to think English was difficult, but then I learned firsthand that nothing compares to the complexities of _Japanese_. They've got special words for the numbers used to count or refer to numbers of plants, animals, inorganic items, and people, and they're all _different_ sets.

Last trip, I heard people saying "hello" on their cell phones with the phrase "mushy mushy" (that's how it sounds in English anyway) and learned the hard way that you cannot greet someone with this same thing because it's ONLY used when you answer your cell phone.

English is a far easier language to use IMO. Hello is the same for everyone everywhere. But we do use the same word for many things, which makes for a different kind of confusing complexity.

What I find humorous (and puzzling) is attempting to convey the meaning of oft-used idioms for new English speakers (ie, Cat got your tongue?)


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## Greg O'Sherwood (Aug 31, 2010)

Yup, english is tough. While in Korea, I learned hangul while assisting others to learn english.

Some things in english just can't be explained...:redface:

.


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## bensoelberg (Aug 31, 2010)

Kind of makes me wonder what I was thinking when I decided to teach high school English...


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## btboone (Aug 31, 2010)

GHOTI= fish
-enouGH
-wOmen
-tuiTIon


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## panini (Aug 31, 2010)

And they say foreign language was hard...love it...I remember when george Carlin did it in his act...


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## Smitty37 (Aug 31, 2010)

*English*

Yes English is tough...and the same word spelling meaning more than one thing is only one how about the way we pronounce "ough" -- cough; bough; rough; through; and thorough. There might be another one or two that I missed.

We also allow new words to be created almost instantly and accept the verbilization of nouns all the time.

Beyond that we have a language of 475,000 to 1,000,000 or more words (depending on the source of the number) The latest Oxford dictionary has 600,000 definitions and the latest Websters has about 475,000 (my 30 year old Oxford has 325,000) and most people seem to have a vocabulary of between 2500 and 10,000


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## Pens By Scott (Aug 31, 2010)

Yup, it is an interesting language.  In fact, there is one word in the English language, which when you change the first letter from a lower case to an upper case, it becomes a nationality.  Any guesses?  It's actually very relative to the IAP.  I believe we all do the lower case action in out last stages of finishing our pens.


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## PenPal (Aug 31, 2010)

English as it is Spake and Writ.
My dearly beloved and I in retirement taught conversational English to new arrivals to Australia as well as some folks who have lived here for generations but never bothered. We did this as volunteers enjoying the experience for many years from memory we found ten different meanings for the word wave. Why when in America words have totally different meanings for us and residents there. eg a rubber here is an eraser, if you are full after a meal in the USA you say In am stuffed. All very amusing a friend of ours whilst living in England working in a large typing pool just before finishing time made an error shouted out anyone got a rubber, the team hardly spoke to her for a week. 

Viva la differance.

Peter.


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## robutacion (Aug 31, 2010)

Polish, polish///????

George


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## ROOKIETURNER (Sep 1, 2010)

Since America is the melting pot, so is our language. Different languages provided words, not only did we convert the spelling, but also that particular languages accents and pronunciation. Greek, Latin, German, and French are the main roots for our words.

For instance, the word Hamburger, does not describe what is in the food, but where it originated.
_
Hamburger started with the Tatars (or Tartars), a nomadic people who  invaded central Asia and eastern Europe in the Middle Ages. The Tatars  ate their shredded beef raw (hence the name "steak tartare" these days).  According to one account, they tenderized their beef by putting it  between the saddle and the horse as they rode. When the Tatars  introduced the food to Germany, the beef was mixed with local spices and  fried or broiled and became known as Hamburg steak. German emigrants to  the United States brought Hamburg steak with them. It showed up on New  York restaurant menus in the 1880s. Hamburgers became a sensation as  sandwiches at the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis.

_So to someone outside this country who is trying to learn English it can be very confusing. It really is a pot luck language.

Etymology is a great hobby. Knowledge is power!

I will also add some of Gallagher's old shtick:

Why are they called Apartments when they are all together?

Why do you park on a driveway and drive one a parkway?

Why do they call it a building when they are already done building it?


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## tim self (Sep 1, 2010)

I don't understand the problem, I've been butchering the English language all my speaking life!  I agree about the Japanese language, just a little difficult but lovely country.


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## phillywood (Sep 1, 2010)

40 yrs ago back home we had a teacher tht this was his catch frase:
I can can a can. that otta tell you something. Means= I can(able to) can (open) a can (can of food or something).


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## Fred (Sep 1, 2010)

And the biggest misused words in my opinion are 'your' and 'you're'.

Is that *YOUR* car and if it is *you're* parked in my driveway. 

OR, "Does this car *BELONG* to you? Well, *YOU ARE* to move it immediately."

And then there is, "I *seen* it one day!" No, it was seen one day and you *SAW* it!

Further, why is it that many folks write something in a list and use "one , two , three , etc." and insist on injecting a space before and after the comma. Or putting two spaces AFTER a period. Looks stupid to me and it certainly is not the way I was taught to write! 

Were you taught any differently?

Sheesh! :biggrin:


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## jskeen (Sep 1, 2010)

Greg O'Sherwood said:


> Yup, english is tough. While in Korea, I learned hangul while assisting others to learn english.
> 
> Some things in english just can't be explained...:redface:
> 
> .



hangul is a relatively logical language, actually.  I learned it organically while I was there, IE no classes, no rules, just moved offbase the first month I was there and picked it up as I went.  Of course, I probably butchered the heck out of it, and the (excruciatingly polite) people that I talked to probably waited till I left and died laughing about what the stupid redheaded miguk actually said.  But, I did usually get my point across.


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## Ligget (Sep 1, 2010)

*Up* yer kilt! Good post Alex.


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## Rick_G (Sep 1, 2010)

Fred said:


> Further, why is it that many folks write something in a list and use "one , two , three , etc." and insist on injecting a space before and after the comma. Or putting two spaces AFTER a period. Looks stupid to me and it certainly is not the way I was taught to write!
> 
> Were you taught any differently?
> 
> Sheesh! :biggrin:



Actually I was taught to put 2 spaces after a period.  Then that was 50 years ago when the teachers did the teaching at school instead of sending an 8 year old home with 2-3 hours homework every night, so my daughter in law has to teach her at home while at the same time getting supper, cleaning the house and doing laundry after a full day at work.  My son helps when he is home but his job requires him to be away for weeks at a time.  

I found out a couple years ago that they only put 1 space after a period now but it's hard to change 50 years of ingrained training.  

I agree English is a strange language but then so is French where every object has a sex assigned to it.


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## lazyguy (Sep 1, 2010)

I was pondering this after realizing that when I went to Sears I saw the saw that I want to buy next. As I left I turned to the left.


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## Smitty37 (Sep 1, 2010)

*Two spaces*



Rick_G said:


> Fred said:
> 
> 
> > Further, why is it that many folks write something in a list and use "one , two , three , etc." and insist on injecting a space before and after the comma. Or putting two spaces AFTER a period. Looks stupid to me and it certainly is not the way I was taught to write!
> ...


 
I was taught 2 spaces after a period to differentiate between the end of a sentence and an abreviation.  I was never tought to use a space before a comma.  Who knows if they even bother with standard written English anymore.  I know that some of today's newspaper style books are full of what would have been considered incorrect even 25 years ago.


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## Smitty37 (Sep 1, 2010)

Rick_G said:


> Fred said:
> 
> 
> > Further, why is it that many folks write something in a list and use "one , two , three , etc." and insist on injecting a space before and after the comma. Or putting two spaces AFTER a period. Looks stupid to me and it certainly is not the way I was taught to write!
> ...


 
The languages derived from Latin all lack a neutral gender, everything is either masculine or feminine.  French, Spanish, Italian and several others.


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## Dudley Young (Sep 1, 2010)

I'm going to have to read up on all that but I'm not up to it tonight, I'd hafta stay up to late.


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## wolftat (Sep 1, 2010)

The whole thing made me want to throw up.


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## randyrls (Sep 1, 2010)

There is a word in the English language that has two and only two meanings, and they are opposite meanings.

I'll post the word tomorrow.


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## Pens By Scott (Sep 5, 2010)

George, you are correct!



robutacion said:


> Polish, polish///????
> 
> George


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## Scratch (Sep 5, 2010)

English???

WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' ENGLISH!!!!!


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## Willee (Sep 5, 2010)

Were they not thinking of getting away from English and teaching Ebonics at one time?


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## Rmartin (Sep 5, 2010)

I remember this from a fifth grade bonus question. Puctuate the following:

that that is is that that that is not is not is that it it is

That, that is, is that. That, that is not, is not. Is that it? It is.


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## rjwolfe3 (Sep 5, 2010)

I gave up on English, now I am trying to learn Spanish!


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## TellicoTurning (Sep 5, 2010)

Fred said:


> Further, why is it that many folks write something in a list and use "one , two , three , etc." and insist on injecting a space before and after the comma. Or putting two spaces AFTER a period. Looks stupid to me and it certainly is not the way I was taught to write!
> 
> Were you taught any differently?
> 
> Sheesh! :biggrin:



You are right about the comma... no space before the comma, but one space after...  and when I was taught typing in high school, more years ago than I care to remember, you always put two spaces after a period.

Even in the military when I was a telex operator, there was always two spaces after the period.


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## Rfturner (Sep 6, 2010)

You can Thank Microsoft for Changing the rules of English sentence Structure. They changed having two spaces after the period to just one. Now it is universal. That was entertaining reading this. 

Which, Witch is Which?


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## Smitty37 (Sep 6, 2010)

*Only on line*



Rfturner said:


> You can Thank Microsoft for Changing the rules of English sentence Structure. They changed having two spaces after the period to just one. Now it is universal. That was entertaining reading this.
> 
> Which, Witch is Which?


 
Online maybe, but then online English is hardly a language at all, more like a shorthand.  I still get lots of printed matter with two spaces after a period.


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## chriselle (Sep 6, 2010)

Parson said:


> I used to think English was difficult, but then I learned firsthand that nothing compares to the complexities of _Japanese_. They've got special words for the numbers used to count or refer to numbers of plants, animals, inorganic items, and people, and they're all _different_ sets.
> 
> Last trip, I heard people saying "hello" on their cell phones with the phrase "mushy mushy" (that's how it sounds in English anyway) and learned the hard way that you cannot greet someone with this same thing because it's ONLY used when you answer your cell phone.
> 
> ...



Yep, Japanese is a bare....oops...make that "bear" of a language to get a handle on.  17 years here and while technically fluent I still have trouble ordering a beer...lol.   Japanese is defined by a rather predictable and logical set of grammatical rules unlike English which is far more defined by the exceptions to its rules.  That's how I see it anyway.  

By the way.....it's moshi, moshi......not mushi, mushi.  Moshi is the shortened form of the verb moshimasu (to be present) thus moshi, moshi means...."Are you there? AND I am here" at the same time.


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## maxwell_smart007 (Sep 6, 2010)

One of the best ways to learn the nuances of your own language is found in trying to learn a new one.  One quickly realizes that the way we speak and the way we should speak are very different.  

I learned Latin, German and ancient Greek in University.  I don't recall much of any of them, but my command of English has improved; that's a lucky thing, since I teach it for a living!


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## wudnhed (Sep 7, 2010)

Very interesting!  BTW, I'm a two spacer also, LOL!


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## sbwertz (Sep 7, 2010)

I used to teach English as a Second Language.  I've had students reduced to tears by OUGH.  

Consider

The tough coughed as he ploughed through the dough.

Five different pronunciations for the same four letters!

Sharon


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## sbwertz (Sep 7, 2010)

maxwell_smart007 said:


> One of the best ways to learn the nuances of your own language is found in trying to learn a new one. One quickly realizes that the way we speak and the way we should speak are very different.
> 
> I learned Latin, German and ancient Greek in University. I don't recall much of any of them, but my command of English has improved; that's a lucky thing, since I teach it for a living!


 
Very true.  It was not until I studied Latin that I understood why we say "If I WERE you" instead of "If I WAS you."  It is subjunctive...contrary to fact condition...I'm NOT you.

Sharon


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## Smitty37 (Sep 7, 2010)

*Hmmmm*



sbwertz said:


> maxwell_smart007 said:
> 
> 
> > One of the best ways to learn the nuances of your own language is found in trying to learn a new one. One quickly realizes that the way we speak and the way we should speak are very different.
> ...


  Even so, probably more than half the English speaking folks would say "If I was you..."  One of many problems with English is that it has roots in so many different language trees.


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