# Blonde Joke



## 1JaredSchmidt (May 3, 2008)

A blonde was weedeating  her lawn and she cut off her cat's tail. She took her cat to Walmart. Why? Because Walmart is the biggest retail store in America. 


[}]


Do you guys have any more good ones? Heh!


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## SuperDave (May 3, 2008)

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 3, 2008)

d LOL!!! I had a good laugh over that one.[][}]


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## SuperDave (May 3, 2008)

A blonde finds herself in dire trouble.  Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits.  She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.  She begins to pray, "God, please help me.  I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.  Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

She again prays, "God, please let me win the lotto!  I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you.  PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and the blonde is confronted by the voice of God Himself, "Sweetheart, work with Me on this, buy a ticket."


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 3, 2008)

I got to forward this thread to my uncle. He likes blonde jokes. Actually I think he is one himself.[}][}]


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## jughead (May 4, 2008)

Two blondes walked into a building....... You would have thought one of them would have seen it.


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## jughead (May 4, 2008)

There was a blonde driving down the road. She saw another blonde rowing a boat in a field. The first blonde stopped her car and yelled to the second blonde...... Its blondes like you that give the rest of us blondes a bad name. If I could swim I would come over there and kick your butt.


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## cigarman (May 4, 2008)

haven't you guys learned?  Of all the blonde stories you have heard only two are jokes. [}]


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 4, 2008)

you calling us blondies?


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## pssherman (May 4, 2008)

> _Originally posted by 1JaredSchmidt_
> 
> you calling us blondies?


I think he means that these are true stories, not jokes.


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 4, 2008)

i don't think they are true or are they? Heh! My sister's the one in the boat.


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## babyblues (May 5, 2008)

Two brunettes and a blonde were speeding in a shiney convertible.  They passed a cop and as they saw his lights come on they sped around a corner, desperate to hide.  There were three big burlap bags in the trunk so one of the brunettes said, "Let's get into the ditch and hide in the bags!"  What a great idea!  They all hid in the bags just as the police car pulled up.  The policeman got out and surveyed the car then noticed the burlap bags in the ditch.  Suspicious, he walked over to the bag where the first brunette was hiding and nudged it with his foot.  "Woof Woof!!" she said.  "Must be a dog" the policeman thought and moved to the bag where the second brunette was hiding.  "Meow Meow!!" she said.  "Must be a cat" thought the policeman and moved to the last bag where the blonde was hiding and gave it a good poke.  Thinking as quickly as she could, the blonde said, "Potatoes".


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 6, 2008)

ROTFL!


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## SuperDave (May 6, 2008)

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:

_"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, the Blonde."_

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note:

"_Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another_!"


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## maxwell_smart007 (May 6, 2008)

You're all jealous, that's all! [8D]
We blondes really do have more fun.  That is, if we can remember where the party is...

What was I saying?   


potatoes


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 6, 2008)

Is that because the blondes are so dumb that they don't know how to remember stuff? Looks like I'm gonna have to become a blond myself or maybe I are on alreedy...............[]


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## woodworker (May 6, 2008)

A blonde city girl marries a Colorado rancher. 

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 
'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. 
I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. 
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' 

The rancher leaves for the fields. 
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. 
Amy takes him down to the barn. 

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 
'This is the one right here.' 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 
'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?' 

'That's simple. By the nail over its stall,' Amy explains very confidently. 

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?' 

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
Wait for itâ€¦
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
&gt; 
'I guess  it's to hang your pants on.'


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 7, 2008)

HEH!HEH!


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## RogerGarrett (May 7, 2008)

The blonde was driving her car during a blinding snow storm, and, as the snow piled up higher and higher, she began to worry.  Soon however, she spied a snow plow, and, after turning the car around, she pulled in behind the snow plow and proceeded to drive safely and without trouble.

After 30 minutes, the snow plow came to a stop, and the plow operator got out of his cab and walked back to the blonde, who rolled her window down and flashed a beautiful smile.  

"Are you okay?" the plow driver asked.

"Oh yes, I'm much better now that I found you!" responded the blonde.

"My father always told me that if I was caught out in a bad snow storm I should look for a snow plow and just follow it until I arrived at my destination."

The plow driver was quiet for a few seconds, and then he looked at the blonde and said,

"I think I understand.  You should probably know though that I'll only be driving here for another few minutes......then I'm going to move over to the other Walmart lot on the west side of town...."


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 7, 2008)

That's the one I was going to post![}]


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## SuperDave (May 7, 2008)

Three blondes are sitting in a bar chanting, "51 days." After a while the bartender says to them, "Ladies, for the past three hours you've been sitting here chanting '51 days'. Why?"

"Well," says one of the blondes, "we just finished a puzzle."

"So.  What does that have to do with anything?" the bartender asked.

"Well the box says 3 to 5 years.  We finished it in just 51 days!"


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 7, 2008)

I heard a different version of that![8D]


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## Ozzy (May 8, 2008)

I have to share this story, this is not a joke it really happened.
A couple of years ago when I took Spanish I, the professor always had music on when we came to class. It was always instrumental stuff and from time to time some of it was familar.
One morning this blonde girl was sitting beside me and the song "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon came on. It was an instrumental version and I noticed her trying to figure it out. When she saw me looking at her she said, "I know this song but I can't remember the name."
I said, "It's You Can Call Me Al."
Well, she stuck out her hand and said, "Hello, Al. I'm Heather."
I took just a second to collect myself, so that I didn't laugh in her face and I replied, "Actually my name is Bobb, most people call me Ozzy but if it's easier for you you can call me Al."
She started blushing and said, "I'm sorry. It's early and I'm not awake yet. I thought that you were introducing yourself."


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## Darley (May 9, 2008)

LOL Ozzy


A plane is on its way to London when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.  The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.



The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here.'



After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the captain and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.  The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here.'  The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.



The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?  I'll handle this.  I'm married to a blonde.  I speak blonde.'  He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, 'Oh, I'm sorry,' then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.



The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.



'I told her first class isn't going to London.'


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## SuperDave (May 9, 2008)

Nice one Darley...[]


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 9, 2008)

Good one Darley. 

A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bar,sits down,and orders a drink. She loudly asks the bar tender if he wants to hear a blonde joke. Suddenly it's totally quiet in the bar. In a quiet voice the bartender says,I'm blonde,the 200lb. lady sitting next to you is blonde,the weightlifter sitting next to you is blonde,and everyone else in this place is blonde.

Now do you want to tell the blonde joke?

No the man says,you wouldn't catch on anyways.


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## railrider1920 (May 16, 2008)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/322555/

Funny video


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 16, 2008)

filter blocks that one too.[V][xx(]
Rats!


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