# I cant take it anymore



## Wolfdancer (May 23, 2008)

Well I need some payers from you folks please. My x-wife came to me 3 years ago when I found out I would be disabled the rest of my life. I said I quote. I will never be married to a criple. She moved all are funds divorced me, and she got everything. All I had was my 401. I have major pain all the time, I have mjor depresion from it. I owe back child support. I owe back taxes. And now she is going after my drivers licence. I cant get my disablity for 3 more years. Whats next. Does anyone know a hit man to do me in. Thanks for letting me vent.


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## Jarheaded (May 23, 2008)

It would be better to find a hitman to do her in.


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## wdcav1952 (May 23, 2008)

Rodney, my heart goes out to you.  It is small comfort, but my mother always told me that the Good Lord says that it came to pass, not it came to stay.  Please look in to social services that are available to people in your state.  There has to be help out there for someone in your situation.


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## Chasper (May 23, 2008)

Rodney, I feel you pain and fustration, and I wish I had the skills to say the right thing to be of some help.  You are doing the right thing in reaching out to those of us here to vent.  This is a caring place with some outstanding folks who one can turn to in need.  My prayers are with you.  Hang in there, this too will pass.


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## NMDoug (May 23, 2008)

Rodney, you are in my prayers.  Just take it one day at a time my friend, and if you need someone to talk to just email me your phone number, mine is on its way.  This too shall pass.


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## DocStram (May 23, 2008)

Rodney ... here's the telephone number for the Clackamas County 24 Hour Crisis Line.   503-655-8401   If you are at a point where there is no light at the end of the tunnel ... call that number.  

There is also free legal help available.  Take it one step at a time. 


Begin by calling the  503-655-8401  number.

Also, pm sent.


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## LEAP (May 23, 2008)

I've always been told that there was a bright side to everything but sometimes it can be damn hard to find. Hang in there buddy, vent all you want we have big shoulders. Remember that pain shared is pain lessened.


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## redfishsc (May 23, 2008)

The selfishness of some folks, like your ex, never ceases to amaze me. I have a friend who's husband (and father of her teen daughter and toddler son) has been cheating on him for years, very elusively, and she can't come up with legal proof of it to take him to court. 

He has even had the audacity to ask her to join him with his mistress in his extracurricular activities. 


You are in my prayers. This is painful, I know.


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## 1JaredSchmidt (May 23, 2008)

Doc is that your phone #? I feel sorry for you Rodney. Luckily for me,in our religion,you can't divorce. Whew!


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## Aderhammer (May 23, 2008)

Rodney just try to stick it out.  You don't need to surround yourself with jerks like that anyways.  They are the ones who bring this country down.  You may not be disabled for the rest of your life, maybe a treatment is found or some miracle happens.  On another forum one of the ladies on there was crippled by shrapnel in her leg from war.  She thought she was wheel chair bound the rest of her life.  A few months ago she was hit by a car and the shrapnel was dislodge and she has regained full mobility of her legs.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes its just blocked by a bend in the tunnel.


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## monkeynutz (May 23, 2008)

Jeez, Rodney, that really SUCKS.  But think of the relief you'll feel when you emerge with all this in the rear-view.  Been there, and know there is a future, so keep your hopes and your spirits up.


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## Ozzy (May 23, 2008)

Rodney, that really does suck but I know from personal experience that once you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go and that's up.

 I spent Christmas Eve '87 in Maryland, alone with a bottle of J.D., in a VW bus, in a parking lot because I had no one and no where to go.
 I've hit rock bottom several times and I bounced back everytime. So, trust me, just hang in there.
 It is always darkest just before the light.


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## ESwindell (May 23, 2008)

Rodney,
I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through.  I too am disabled.  I was injured at work but because I can still move I am considered only partially disabled even though I can't stand, walk, or sit for any length of time without my pain going through the roof.  It also hurts to take a deep breath and if I am standing and happen to sneeze of cough my legs give out and I end up in a heap on the floor.  I have a spinal stimulator installed in my back to help block the pain and make life a little more livable.  With all that said though it could be worse and I have to remember that God is in control and though I may not see the purpose for the trials that I am going through at the moment I know that in the end it will all work out for good and God will be glorified.  
Why do you have to wait 3 years to get disability?  Have you applied for SSDI?  If you have and have been turned down (most people get turned down) you can get a lawyer who can file for you (big game/scam that system is) and they get paid a % of your back benefits up to I think $5,000 so it ends up being nothing out of your pocket up front.  When you do end up getting SSDI they retro you payments back to the date of injury I believe.
It is very sad when people put such little stock in their marriage vows these days.  When I got married it was for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.  No where did it say until I get injured, and I bet yours didn't either.  As Doc and others have said please look into getting help.  It seems that there are some on this board that live near you and I would encourage you to contact them for more personal support as this type of help can only carry you so far.
You are added to my prayer list and things will get better in time.
God Bless,
Eric


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## Dalecamino (May 23, 2008)

Rodney , please do what DocStram says here . He's right on it ! Make those calls . I KNOW , there is help . And forget about HITS !!!!


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## rdunn12 (May 24, 2008)

Rodney,hang in there man,better times are on the way!!I am praying for you,and Doc has good advice,make the call.I am sure that you could ask for anything and 99.9% of people on this forum would do anything they could to help.When you are to the end of your rope tie a big knot and hang on my friend.

Ronald


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## Ligget (May 24, 2008)

Rodney I know how you feel my friend, I was sectioned into a phsyciatric locked ward because of depression that was a result of not working.

I broke my back in a work accident and just couldnt cope with such a major life change.

I put my thoughts and any motivation into my penturning, I can only turn for approx half and hour before I have to stop due to severe pain which I take morphine tablets for.

Now I attend Caledonia Clubhouse during the day for a short time following a referral from my Phsyciatrist, keeps you from laying in bed all day not getting washed or dressed, keeps me from being alone too.

We are all here for you Rodney so this is the best place to vent, please PM me if you need someone to talk with.


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## Jim15 (May 24, 2008)

Please hang in there. Prayers coming your way.


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## Tom McMillan (May 24, 2008)

I'm surely praying for you and the situation Rodney.  I've been through a number of very difficult situations in my life, and praying & reaching out to the Heavenly Father does make a difference.


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## mitchm (May 24, 2008)

Rod, you are in my prayers! Hang in there, take it one day at at time and try not to allow it to break you down.


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## leehljp (May 24, 2008)

Rodney,

You are not alone, and you are in my prayers too!


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## wm460 (May 24, 2008)

Rodney  my thoughts are with you,
you could get a dog for company the make great friends.


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## greenmtnguy (May 24, 2008)

Hi Rodney,
Check into one of these.My Ex-wife had a recurring pain that this helped. http://www.masters.com.au/what_TENS.htm.
It's refered to as a Tens machine.She swore by it. Might work for you. Hang in there.


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## workinforwood (May 24, 2008)

If you are in michigan, feel free to drop me a line and I'll hook you up with lots of groceries and toiletry supplies for free.  My wife is a couponaholic.


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## karlkuehn (May 24, 2008)

Hang in there Rodney. Desperation and pain and depression all mixed into one is working against you, but you're stronger than that! You have a lot of good people here who are behind you. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but you'll be in my prayers.


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## SuperDave (May 24, 2008)

Rodney,

One Oregonian to another who is available to you... (PM sent) Hang in there. God is a refuge you can ALWAYS trust. Call me.

Dave


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## scoutharps (May 25, 2008)

Sometimes all you can do is hang in there and trust that it really will work out.  God IS faithful!  Trust Him abd the rest of us to hold on to, and vent away.  I know it sounds trite to just say it will work out, but it is from the been there, done that, didn't even get a t shirt department.  Meanwhile, prayers for sure, will be heading your way.  On a purely practical note, I'm a heck of a seamstress, if you need anything that direction, and I can also get toothpaste, brushes, floss, etc.  Let me know!


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## CSue (May 25, 2008)

Rodney, I have been on disability for years now. I'm not proud of it.  But its necessary.  Going through government "hoops" to get benefits isn't fun.  But I do hope you've applied for SSDI as someone else said.  And the, as a rule, turn down about 90% of first application.  Most are granted on appeal.  And then it's retroactive to first application date.  If you are still able to appeal first decision, don't delay.  

My prayers are with you . . .


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## ScribbleSticks (May 26, 2008)

Rodney,
I'm sorry to hear of all your trials and tribulations.  My heart and prayers go out to you!!

Footprints

          One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was 
            walking along the beach with the LORD. Across 
            the sky flashed scenes of his life. For each scene, 
            he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one 
            belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

                When the last scene of his life flashed before him, 
            He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He 
            noticed that many times along the path of his life 
            there was only one set of footprints. He also 
            noticed that it happened at the very lowest and 
            saddest times of his life.

                This really bothered him and he questioned the 
            LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I 
            decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the 
            way.   But I have noticed that during the most 
            troublesome times in my life, there is only one set 
            of footprints; I don't understand why when I 
            needed you most you would leave me."

            The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child, 
            I love you and I would never leave you. During 
            your times of trial and suffering, when you see 
            only one set of footprints, it was then that I 
            carried you."



Author: Margaret Fishback Powers Â© 1964


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## Brewmeister35 (May 26, 2008)

Wow, what a great group.

Rodney,  I hope you've called that number that doc gave you.  Sometimes things have to be taken out of the "norm" when evaluating money in a situation like yours.  I'm sure someone there can help make it not quite so hard to survive.  Also, don't forget about those kids and know that they know or will figure out what's going on and what's happened.  Sounds like they'll need you alot to learn what's right and wrong in this life.  Best of luck to you.


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## palmermethod (May 26, 2008)

Rodney, that is a load I could not bear, but I do know that good meds for treating depression are available. And talking helps too. I've been down and up is better. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.


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## follow3 (May 28, 2008)

Hey Rodney,

Sorry to hear what you are going through! You are in my prayers.

Also, as for the disability, check out this web site: http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/

I have not read a lot of it, I just stumbled on it a couple of days ago and haven't had a chance to get back to it yet. Hopefully there is some info there that will help you out.

Hang in man!!!
Steve


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## Dee (May 28, 2008)

Rodney, you don't know me, but I've read your story and darlin....I feel that you would emotionally feel differently if your physical pain was under control. Your physical pain is compounding everyting else. Please follow some of the suggestions the others have given, even if it means going through a lawyer, so that you can finally get the ball rolling on getting your SSDIS and perhaps get medicade and medicare and both of those will pay for you to go to a pain specialist and at the same time, your medical doctor can give you something to help with the depression....so you will have at least 2 things off your plate of worries...and you'll be able to cope with the rest. I really think it would be good for you to get in touch with your fellow penturners in your area...as they are reaching out to you because they care very much for you. Let them help. And please post soon and let us know how you are.


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## EeyorIs21 (May 28, 2008)

Rodney, for me the hardest part was asking for help. Pride I guess is what kept me from asking sooner. 

I am sure there must a doctor involved somewhere because of the mention of pain and disability. Do not be too proud to ask them for help. Let them know that you're feeling depressed and they will ask some questions. The questions are easier than you think. There are lots of options and different perscriptions they can perscribe, and you do not have to take the drugs forever. The doctor can help you determine when timing is right. 

You may also mention to them any financial difficulties and ask if they have any samples in the office that might work for your situation. My doctor was able to provide samples for 2 months which made it easier to afford that next perscription.

After I talked about it with my doctor and we layed out a plan for treatment it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was a big step in the right direction and every little bit makes things easier.

I WISH YOU THE BEST. HANG IN THERE.

If you have not already call the doctor in the morning and setup that appointment.


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## nava1uni (May 28, 2008)

Rodney,
  Chronic pain can be very debilitating, but there are many ways to help manage it.  I am an RN and work with patients with chronic pain.  There are medications, body work, accupuncture, movement, stretching, breathing and meditation that can all help alleviate your pain. I live with chronic pain and have found many of these methods to be very helpful.  Depression also increases your pain and your pain increases depression.  A real Catch 22.  There are a lot new antidepressants that also help with pain.  If you don't sleep well that will also aggravate your pain.  
  Please take the advice offered here and find an MD that can help you.  I don't know what the social system is in Oregon, but there must be help that you can get.  Please continue to write and PM if you want support.  It can be a long hard road, but you have support and things will change with just one step at a time.  Sometimes it means just getting through the next 5 minutes.  Keep the faith and continue to reach out.
Cindy


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## Jarheaded (May 30, 2008)

Rodney,
 look into the TENS machine. I have one and it is hooked up to me most of the time. It clips to my belt and is about the size of a cell phone. I don't have it on all the time, but when I hurt, it is better than popping another morphine capsule. I have a broken neck and back from a little accident while I was still on active duty, that is why they chose to retire me. I have had over 15 different procedures done along with 2 major surgeries and I still have the big one coming up soon. Been going through this for over 4 years and have looked at the business end of my .357 more than once, but I refuse to take that way out. Keep fighting, if for no other reason than to spite her. Might not hurt to talk to an attorney too, she might owe you support money. Just keep remembering that doing yourself in is a permanant answer to a temporary problem.


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