# SWIMBO wants me to quit



## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe.   I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling.  I've had around 30 sales since then.  27 from Etsy.   

I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits.   The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.

I've tried numerous time to explain to her that I'm trying to build inventory to hopefully do some crafts show next year, but all she sees is me spending what comes in on more stuff.

She just sent me an email stating she gets the feeling my "hobby" is costing money.   I've tried showing her the numbers of money coming in, and what I spend is only going to be from that.   I've made enough back to cover my "initial investment" when i started this, but she doesn't/won't see it.






Anybody ever been thru something similar?   I'm not planning on being able to _retire _from my pen sales, but I am hoping once I get some more built I can do a show and hopefully have a _few _dollars to bring home.

I only have about 25 unsold items currently, so it would be a pretty sad show if I tried now.


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## Longfellow (Oct 25, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe.   I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling.  I've had around 30 sales since then.  27 from Etsy.
> 
> I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits.   The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.
> 
> ...



Remember, you promised for better or worse. Believe me, after 60 years I have learned, it only gets worse.


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## terryf (Oct 25, 2012)

Can't say I know the feeling, I have a very supportive SWAMBO!

Have you tried turning non kit related items like bowls, rolling pins, ornaments etc? Might ease the din in your left ear.


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## robersonjr (Oct 25, 2012)

Well all I can say is I AM THE BOSS IN MY HOUSE, and my wife says I can say that anytime I wish.


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

Two thoughts:

A few extra bucks coming in isn't worth marital angst.
If money is an issue, perhaps shopping at Woodcraft isn't such a good idea.  I can count the items that I have to pay Woodcraft's premium for on one or two fingers.


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## Ed McDonnell (Oct 25, 2012)

Here's a possible solution:

1) Make sure you send every one of her relatives (only the ones she likes) a pen or two, with a nice handwritten note.  

2) Encourage your wife to take up a hobby where she has to continually buy stuff (I suggest quilting, but I hear that scrapbooking is almost as good).

3) Help her spend money by offering constant praise for her accomplishments and suggesting new projects for her to take on (hand made gifts for her family are surefire winners).

4) If the topic of spending on pen kits ever comes up again, offer to help her do a budget analysis of where your money is going.  Suggest starting with adding up her hobby expenses.  That should end that discussion pretty quick.

The downside of all the above is that the plan may be so successful that there won't be any money left to buy pen kits (or electricty or food).  But it seems worth the risk to me.  If it doesn't seem worth the risk to you, then how about Plan B?

Plan B:

Slimline transmissions and refills are pretty cheap.  Come up with a creative design for wooden pens (blanks sourced locally for free from trees) that don't need any additional kit parts.  They don't have to be slimlines, just use the transmission and refill.

Supplement your pen turning with other wooden items.  There's lots of free wood out there just waiting for a turner to take it home and make it into something wonderful.

Just some thoughts.

Good luck.

Ed


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## WHSKYrvr1 (Oct 25, 2012)

What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts.  She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

Longfellow said:


> Remember, you promised for better or worse. Believe me, after 60 years I have learned, it only gets worse.



You sound like my father.   He always tells me, "Don't worry son.  It's just going to get worse.":biggrin:


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

terryf said:


> Can't say I know the feeling, I have a very supportive SWAMBO!
> 
> Have you tried turning non kit related items like bowls, rolling pins, ornaments etc? *Might ease the din in your left ear.*



Are you suggesting to place those items IN my ear?  Cuz that might work...


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> Two thoughts:
> 
> A few extra bucks coming in isn't worth marital angst.
> If money is an issue, perhaps shopping at Woodcraft isn't such a good idea.  I can count the items that I have to pay Woodcraft's premium for on one or two fingers.



I actually learned that a bit too late about Woodcraft.   I almost choked after I started to find better suppliers and the price differences.   I kept thinking "Surely these can't be the same kits.   Woodcraft must have better ink or something."


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

WHSKYrvr1 said:


> What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts.  She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.



This is a GREAT idea.   I can't believe I didn't do this in the first placce.   That would be a perfect way to separate them.   No matter how many times I show her the numbers she just "gets the feeling" as she puts it.

I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with _"I have a feeling that 2+2=7.   I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."_


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

I swear this place is like what an AA meeting must feel like to an alcoholic.   I now know I'm not the only one constantly looking at objects and wondering:

"Could I make a pen out of that?"


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## tjseagrove (Oct 25, 2012)

How about a separate bank account for all pen money in and out to go through.  Let her see it going in and out and the family budget is untouched.

Also, use some of the money to get something she wants or perceives a need for.

Tom


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

parklandturner said:


> Here's a possible solution: ...
> 
> 2) Encourage your wife to take up a hobby where she has to continually buy stuff (I suggest quilting, but I hear that scrapbooking is almost as good).


Alternatively, the OP could see if his wife is interested in this hobby.  It could turn into a side business for both of them.


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

tjseagrove said:


> How about a separate bank account for all pen money in and out to go through.  Let her see it going in and out and the family budget is untouched.


That's good advice regardless of whether a person's spouse is on board.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> parklandturner said:
> 
> 
> > Here's a possible solution: ...
> ...



Hmmm...

She actually told me the other day she wanted to try turning something because it looked like fun.

This might work...


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## Glenn McCullough (Oct 25, 2012)

I had a similar isuue, so I opened an account that I deposit in from my sales and pay for supplies with this debit card. She never sees any charges on the house acct. for my woodworking supplies. Every so often we go to the show or dinner and I use the woodworking card to pay for it. Heck, one time I got a 100 pen order and we went to Cancun. She doesn't say much these days.


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## wolftat (Oct 25, 2012)

Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

wolftat said:


> Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.



I just about choked laughing.:biggrin:


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## BRobbins629 (Oct 25, 2012)

Some flowers or jewelry wouldn't hurt at times like this...


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

Glenn McCullough said:


> I had a similar isuue, so I opened an account that I deposit in from my sales and pay for supplies with this debit card. She never sees any charges on the house acct. for my woodworking supplies. Every so often we go to the show or dinner and I use the woodworking card to pay for it. Heck, one time I got a 100 pen order and we went to Cancun. She doesn't say much these days.



VERY nice.   This is definitely something I'm going to set up.   

Thanks for all the advice.


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## WHSKYrvr1 (Oct 25, 2012)

wolftat said:


> Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.


 That has the potential of getting very expensive..:laugh:


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

wolftat said:


> Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.


If he doesn't have enough cash to finance his hobby now, how's he going to do it with half as much?


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## Rick P (Oct 25, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> WHSKYrvr1 said:
> 
> 
> > What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts. She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.
> ...


 
Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!


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## Haynie (Oct 25, 2012)

Next time she looks at the account make sure there are items on there from Bimbo's playhouse, and other porn related sites.  When she freaks out apologize and say you will reluctantly go back to your other hobby, Woodcraft, and Bear tooth.:biggrin:


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

Rick P said:


> Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!



That's it in a nutshell. She's worries about finances ALL the time, even when unnecessary.  I think that may be her hobby actually.  

She seems incapable of noticing the deposits and only sees the withdrawals.  The separate account is the answer.  I feel silly for not realizing that myself.


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## Lenny (Oct 25, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> wolftat said:
> 
> 
> > Just do like I have done a few time....Ignore her and go find a new one.
> ...


 

That reminds me of a Willie Nelson quote where he states that after several failed attempts he is done with marriage. Now every five years he just finds a woman he can't stand and buys her a house! :biggrin:




eliasbboy said:


> I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never answered a math question with _"I have a feeling that 2+2=7. I hear what you're saying about this "four" stuff, but my gut tells me it's 7."_


 
That's with the shipping! :frown:


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## wolftat (Oct 25, 2012)

BRobbins629 said:


> Some flowers or jewelry wouldn't hurt at times like this...


 Do you really think she is going to buy him flowers and jewelry? Odd.


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

Rick P said:


> eliasbboy said:
> 
> 
> > WHSKYrvr1 said:
> ...



There are a few problems with your suggestion.

First, he doesn't currently have a separate account for his pens.  Money that he is spending at Woodcraft comes out of the household account.

Second, it is actually OK for a wife to have an opinion as to how money is spent.  That includes money brought in through a 'hobby'.  Remember, a marriage is a partnership.

Third, taking such a hard line is no way to act in a marriage, unless you are trying to take Neil's advice, but I suspect that he was kidding around.


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## wolftat (Oct 25, 2012)

Yes. I was.


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> Rick P said:
> 
> 
> > Given the above.....I would say point blank "this account is for my pens. Unless you have PROFF I am lying about what I spend the subject is closed!" Unless I am missing something that is what she is doing and you have bigger issues than pen turning!
> ...


It's been my experience that 'unnecessary' concerns about finances boil down to either a lack of communication about finances, a disagreement about how the finances are being handled, or both.


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## raar25 (Oct 25, 2012)

+1 on everything  your going through.  Mine also complains about the time I spend doing it.

I like Glenns thinking, oh and dont forget to make her some things, pens, bowls etc so she  gets something out of it. The only problem is if you dont sell alot than there really isnt going to be a trip to cancun any time soon.


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## Rodnall (Oct 25, 2012)

I have a seperate account, but she still freaks out when the boxes arrive.


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## Rick P (Oct 25, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> Rick P said:
> 
> 
> > eliasbboy said:
> ...


 
First by changing that he maybe able to put an end to the badgering.

Second IF she wasnt keeping spending in control she wouldn't be doing her job......he has demonstrated repeatedly that he is acting within the best interests of the family. She has a "feeling" he isnt.

Third and accusing him of being dishonest is OK?????? My wifes family has tried to bankrupt us with there irresponsible behavior, It nearly ended in divorce for us. Giving my wife an ultimatum is what saved my marriage!

Caveot......my wife is a resonable person withj a very big heart......her parents played her, AGAIN!


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## Crashmph (Oct 25, 2012)

Rodnall said:


> I have a seperate account, but she still freaks out when the boxes arrive.



Same boat here... I have had a separate account for a few years now.  I have not spent one dime out of the joint family account since then.  Boxes arrive round my house in waves.  I may go two or three months without ordering something, and then get five boxes in a week.  It really makes her nervous.

There have been a few money transfers from the pen account to the joint account a few times.  I like to point these out when the boxes arrive, and it tends to settle down the tempers.

Michael


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## Haynie (Oct 25, 2012)

Bunch of guys giving marital advice.  That is pretty funny.  

by the way, does this outfit make my butt look big?


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## Bigj51 (Oct 25, 2012)

Haynie said:


> Bunch of guys giving marital advice. That is pretty funny.
> 
> by the way, does this outfit make my butt look big?


 

Ba ha ha ha! :laugh:

I run my pen stuff through my seperate business account, since I sell them through my laser engraving shop. So all materials, parts, tools etc. get paid for and delivered to my business. So my wife never knows when I am ordering stuff, other than when I tell her. She doesn't hassle me at all about spending money on my craft only the* "Time"* I spend doing it. I have all of my tools and setup in my work shop at my business. 

If she saw what I have spent on new lathe and accessories over the last month she would freak out!  But I say you've got to have the tools and parts to make the things you sell.


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## mredburn (Oct 25, 2012)

I just tell my wife to work more overtime I need to buy some stuff.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

mredburn said:


> I just tell my wife to work more overtime I need to buy some stuff.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 25, 2012)

Well I told her about the separate bank account and she is completely on board with that idea.

I think I can lower my def-con level.







For now...


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## ashaw (Oct 25, 2012)

The pen hobby like many hobbies become very expensive very fast.  When I made this into a true business and a separate account for the business it becomes apparent real fast as to how much this business really costs. 

My wife has been very supportive to a point.  Material component are only bought when I have a job or my dealers are out of stock.  When I true on the lathe it is excepted to make money.  

Right now I am in the position of closing the shop that I am now.  Because my new lease was just doubled.  My business is going back home and run it out of the house.  

Here are your options.  
1.  Make your hobby into a business at least part time business.  Be sure to price your work so that it is not just covering the cost of the material but making a profit.

2   Keep your hobby but make only those items that you and your wife can agree on.

3.  Stop the hobby and sell the equipment and inventory  (Last resort) .

I feel your pain  been though that and continue to go through that.  But your both in this together.  And it is something that I have to keep reminding myself of it as well.

Good luck


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## mredburn (Oct 25, 2012)

one of the things I constantly tell my wife is "There is no bad overtime and another hour wont kill you"


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## ashaw (Oct 25, 2012)

mredburn said:


> one of the things I constantly tell my wife is "There is no bad overtime and another hour wont kill you"



Your right until you notice see is not there anymore.  Balance is the key.  This is just as additive as some drugs except it's not illegal at least not yet.


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## Rick P (Oct 25, 2012)

I frankly dont understand the guff from so many wives! Your being productive and most are at least paying for the majority of the stuff they need through sales.

You guys could have crack as a hobby, you think pens are expensive!

Would they rather you hang out at the local topless bar?

Snowmobiles, cars motorcycles ALL far more expensive and less likely to pay for anything let alone themselves.........Mabe you guys should just say "OK I'll sell the tools and throw myself and money into my new hoby crack and whores! I'll stick to the ones that look 'clean'.......you act like thats what I am doing anyway!"


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## Displaced Canadian (Oct 25, 2012)

One reason it can seem like you are spending more than you are bringing in is because you sell one pen you get one check. To make that pen you may write 3 checks, glue, blank and kit from 3 different people.


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## LarryDNJR (Oct 25, 2012)

Man up!

lol kidding.

No seriously.. man up


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## TellicoTurning (Oct 25, 2012)

WHSKYrvr1 said:


> What I would recommend is to set up an account that is only used for the pen sales that is separate for the houshold accounts.  She could see that the hobby would be self supporting and might ease those feelings.



Second this recommend.... I have a separate account for my wood turning and never mix the household account with my hobby money... although when I've had a good show, I do put a little into the HH account.


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## alamocdc (Oct 25, 2012)

I did as Glenn and set up a separate account for my woodworking and turning stuff.  There has been no argument about my turning in the years since.


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## The Penguin (Oct 25, 2012)

Rodnall said:


> I have a seperate account, but she still freaks out when the boxes arrive.


I have almost all my boxes shipped to the office.

:tongue:


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## sbell111 (Oct 25, 2012)

Rick P said:


> sbell111 said:
> 
> 
> > Rick P said:
> ...



There is almost nothing in your post that is related to how the OP described his situation.  You're also giving out fantastically bad advice that seems like it is based on marriage dynamics from the 1950s.


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## Joe Burns (Oct 26, 2012)

Interesting thread.  My wife doesn't say much about it as what I make from selling the pens goes back into the card payment.  On a side note it helps when she is just about as crazy on crocheting as I am about making pens.  

She also tells me from time to time that "You are the head of the household; I am the neck, and the neck turns the head whichever direction I want".    

Joe


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## The Penguin (Oct 26, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> Rick P said:
> 
> 
> > sbell111 said:
> ...



your wife is standing behind you with a rolling pin in her hand, isn't she?

:tongue:


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## sbell111 (Oct 26, 2012)

The Penguin said:


> your wife is standing behind you with a rolling pin in her hand, isn't she?
> 
> :tongue:



My wife is not standing, at all.


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## Ted iin Michigan (Oct 26, 2012)

+1 what WHSKY rvr1 said. 

But in our house, LOML is my biggest supporter (and best customer - but she gets a BIG TIME discount!)


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## John Pratt (Oct 26, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> Well I told her about the separate bank account and she is completely on board with that idea. quote]
> 
> Now you need to calmly suggest that she do the same with her hobby, (whatever it is that she may have as a hobby). Mine likes to sew, cook, and paint. Given that, there always seems to be a new request for a bigger sewing machine or accoutrements, new cooking pans and various chef utensils, and I am convinced that paint supplies make pen supplies look like free stuff. Not knowing your family dynamic, after you ask this question, you may need to be prepared to run, seek a lawyer, or smile at your ability to make a perfectly executed comparison to your pen habit. (or possibly all three)


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## Gilrock (Oct 26, 2012)

I was going to comment about how you need to wear the pants in the family like I do....but my wife has found this forum.


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## Bigj51 (Oct 26, 2012)

Ok.... I have to ask what all the initials stand for. What the heck is SWIMBO?


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## Gilrock (Oct 26, 2012)

Stripper Wench In Majestic Black Outfit


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## jasontg99 (Oct 26, 2012)

Bigj51 said:


> Ok.... I have to ask what all the initials stand for. What the heck is SWIMBO?



http://content.penturners.org/library/general_reference/Acronyms.pdf


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## Dalecamino (Oct 26, 2012)

I feel your pain and frustration. In words un-spoken, it has been suggested that I start selling some pens.


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## eliasbboy (Oct 26, 2012)

Bigj51 said:


> Ok.... I have to ask what all the initials stand for. What the heck is SWIMBO?



She Who Must Be Obeyed.  :biggrin:


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## Haynie (Oct 26, 2012)

Gilrock said:


> Stripper Wench Modeling Black Outfit



YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately Rumpole of Bailey was right.


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## Bigj51 (Oct 26, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> Bigj51 said:
> 
> 
> > Ok.... I have to ask what all the initials stand for. What the heck is SWIMBO?
> ...


 

I got it! Thanks!


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## eliasbboy (Oct 26, 2012)

Opened the new bank account today!   

That should appease her.



For a day or two.:biggrin:


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## wouldentu2? (Oct 26, 2012)

Go buy a couple of boat magazines and leave them around the house, situation eases very quickly.


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## Lenny (Oct 26, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> Bigj51 said:
> 
> 
> > Ok.... I have to ask what all the initials stand for. What the heck is SWIMBO?
> ...


 

In this case I think :  She Who INEVITABLY Must Be Obeyed!


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## eliasbboy (Oct 26, 2012)

wouldentu2? said:


> Go buy a couple of boat magazines and leave them around the house, situation eases very quickly.


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## leestoresund (Oct 26, 2012)

My wife is always on the lookout for a craft fair for me to enter.

Enlist her help.

Lee


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## OLDMAN5050 (Oct 27, 2012)

I tell my wife I spend my hobby money on turning pens for the charitys I support, where she spends money on her hobby the Grandkids, now let us see who spends the most on our hobby, she has no words then to come back with..........


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## eliasbboy (Oct 27, 2012)

The biggest problem I have in our marriage is that my wife is clinically hobby-less.   I've tried everything.   She never relaxes and does nothing without an express "purpose".

The idea of "hobby" is completely lost on her.


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## Smitty37 (Oct 27, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> I've only been selling my pens thru Etsy since August I believe. I've made them for years, but with finances being as they are I decided to try and help supplement by selling. I've had around 30 sales since then. 27 from Etsy.
> 
> I'm at the point where I can use then sales of the pens to purchase more kits. The wife gets "the look" when she checks the account and sees "Woodcraft" or "Bear Tooth Woods" on the register.
> 
> ...


 Hmmm. You might want to try talking in person---but then if she's like my wife, that would be *listening *in person.

I will give you this advice - do not put everything in one checking account.  Even now - retired for years and without enough money to justify two checking accounts - my wife and I have 2 accounts, both names are on each of them, but it is absolutely clear who writes the checks.  The main account I write the checks and send the bill payments.  The other account I write a check each Sunday for church (because I'm dressed and ready before she is) and she writes the rest of the checks.  We never argue about money.


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## Andrew_K99 (Oct 27, 2012)

I HIGHLY recommend multiple accounts, my wife a I both have our own and we have a joint account.  The joint account pays for everything family related including savings, our personal accounts are for anything we choose.  On pay day we transfer X amount into the joint (a percentage, for equality) based on how much is need, every so often we tweak this amount if bills or anything else changes.

Everyone I know that fights about money only has one account, my first advice is multiple, it's the best place to start IMO.

AK


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## dogcatcher (Oct 27, 2012)

Joe Burns said:


> Interesting thread.  My wife doesn't say much about it as what I make from selling the pens goes back into the card payment.  On a side note it helps when she is just about as crazy on crocheting as I am about making pens.
> 
> She also tells me from time to time that "You are the head of the household; I am the neck, and the neck turns the head whichever direction I want".
> 
> Joe



My wife has more yarn than a the locally owned yarn store, she admits it and I have as much money invested in woodworking equipment and supplies.  We have a joint account and her account, she never says anything when UPS shows up at the door.  Nor do I when every Friday we stop at Michaels and Hobby Lobby.


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## LeeR (Oct 27, 2012)

Eliasbboy,

I had the same thought as Smitty (she sent you an email? Time for a face-to-face meeting.)

Honestly, your wife needs some kind of outlet for relaxation, whether a hobby, or exercise, or something. Doesn't sound healthy for you guys long-term. I'm no expert, but my wife and I have been married for 38 years, and have learned that each of us needs some space for doing our own thing. Makes the time we spend together (which is by far MOST of the time) cherished.

We have our own interests (she like to sew, cook, make jewelry, and grandkids are another popular hobby, too). I make her things in my woodshop, I make birthday gifts and Christmas presents for family, gifts for our friends, and she appreciates the fact that we can give something with a personal touch.

I hope you can help her find a passion for something, and one that both of you can enjoy. Maybe turning or other type of woodworking would work, and something you can do together.

Finally, my wife and I have separate bank accounts, but joint accounts, and that has been one of the best financial decisions we ever made.

Best of luck!


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## MartinPens (Oct 27, 2012)

Sounds like its time for some research to build a case as to the health benefits to having a hobby.

I do almost all of my business through PayPal. That seems to be much simpler than a separate banking account. But I also set aside a small amount each month budgeted for "creativity."

Good luck! I didn't find ETSY to be a sustainable marketplace for pens.

Sent from my iPad using Forum Runner


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## Ted iin Michigan (Oct 27, 2012)

While my wife supports me 100%, I've also mentioned (to her) that my addiction is somewhat different than other types. A golfer, for instance, spends great sums on clubs, balls, shoes, attire, etc. Then he/she goes out and spends maybe $50 for 18 holes and a cart. Often several times a week. Then there's the cost of the 19th hole. It gets pricey and once the money is gone, it's gone. We, however, turn a $3 or $4 blank and a $10 kit into a sellable object (for $50 bucks even!). 

My point is that we may spend money, sure, but *there's money coming back in*, too! Not many activities have that happen!


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## Smitty37 (Oct 27, 2012)

Ted iin Michigan said:


> While my wife supports me 100%, I've also mentioned (to her) that my addiction is somewhat different than other types. A golfer, for instance, spends great sums on clubs, balls, shoes, attire, etc. *Then he/she goes out and spends maybe $50 for 18 holes and a cart.* Often several times a week. Then there's the cost of the 19th hole. It gets pricey and once the money is gone, it's gone. We, however, turn a $3 or $4 blank and a $10 kit into a sellable object (for $50 bucks even!).
> 
> My point is that we may spend money, sure, but *there's money coming back in*, too! Not many activities have that happen!


 Around here $50 for 18 holes is getting off cheap.  Particularily on weekends.


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## hard hat (Oct 27, 2012)

A bank account separate that you keep honest so the primary account isnt touched sounds like a good idea. If you have to give up a passion for her sake, she should be willing to give something up for you, even if that is her sitting on a comfy chair


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## gimpy (Oct 28, 2012)

Tell her it is either sex or pens............make up her mind ........LOL


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## sbell111 (Oct 29, 2012)

eliasbboy said:


> The biggest problem I have in our marriage is that my wife is clinically hobby-less.   I've tried everything.   She never relaxes and does nothing without an express "purpose".
> 
> The idea of "hobby" is completely lost on her.


Don't have a 'hobby' conversation.  Sell her on penturning as a side business to bring extra money into the family budget.  Get her involved in the business.  If she wants to turn pens, thats awesome.  If not, that's good, too.  There's tons of work involved in making penturning pay that don't involve standing in front of a lathe.



Andrew_K99 said:


> I HIGHLY recommend multiple accounts, my wife a I both have our own and we have a joint account.  The joint account pays for everything family related including savings, our personal accounts are for anything we choose.  On pay day we transfer X amount into the joint (a percentage, for equality) based on how much is need, every so often we tweak this amount if bills or anything else changes.
> 
> Everyone I know that fights about money only has one account, my first advice is multiple, it's the best place to start IMO.
> 
> AK


I highly recommend having a separate account for the business, but I have no support for having his and her accounts.  The concept of your money and my money is contrary to the true partnership that a marriage is supposed to be, in my opinion.


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## Gary Beasley (Oct 29, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> I highly recommend having a separate account for the business, but I have no support for having his and her accounts. The concept of your money and my money is contrary to the true partnership that a marriage is supposed to be, in my opinion.


 
  Actually the point behind separate accounts is to simplify things. Each will have thier accounts to manage and if needed money moved from one to the other. That is where the partnership is. Any money in those accounts are agreed to be the responsibility of the respective spouse and used as needed. It works best when both accounts are jointly held but used mostly by the designated spouse. There is no trying to spend the same money twice as can happen if two people are doing business with a single account. My wife and I have been doing it this way since before we were married and wouldn't have it any other way.


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## Smitty37 (Oct 29, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> eliasbboy said:
> 
> 
> > The biggest problem I have in our marriage is that my wife is clinically hobby-less. I've tried everything. She never relaxes and does nothing without an express "purpose".
> ...


 
His account and her account in our case does not imply his and her money.  

Technically, both are joint accounts but she carry's one checkbook and I carry the other. 

Most of the time we put everything we can on a credit card and that gets paid on-line from the checking account I carry the book for.  If necessary we can pay on line from the other account but rarely have to.


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## sbell111 (Oct 29, 2012)

Gary Beasley said:


> sbell111 said:
> 
> 
> > I highly recommend having a separate account for the business, but I have no support for having his and her accounts. The concept of your money and my money is contrary to the true partnership that a marriage is supposed to be, in my opinion.
> ...



We are in disagreement.  That's fine.


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## sbell111 (Oct 29, 2012)

Smitty37 said:


> sbell111 said:
> 
> 
> > eliasbboy said:
> ...


The reason that I replied to Andrew's post and not yours is that your post made it clear that both accounts were 'ours' while Andrew specifically stated that the joint account was 'ours' and the other two were 'his' and 'hers'.

I used red text in Andrew's post above to show the bits that support my position and appear to differ from how you and your wife think about money.


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## Andrew_K99 (Oct 29, 2012)

Steve, I am restraining from replying to your comment as we are each entitled to an opinion here. I will say that, in my opinion, your opinion is quite idealistic and old fashioned. I'll say no more as this has already digressed enough.

AK


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## sbell111 (Oct 29, 2012)

Andrew_K99 said:


> Steve, I am restraining from replying to your comment as we are each entitled to an opinion here. I will say that, in my opinion, your opinion is quite idealistic and old fashioned. I'll say no more as this has already digressed enough.
> 
> AK



Idealistic:  Of or pertainling to the belief in or pusuance of ideals.
Old fashioned:  Favored or prevalent in former times.

I'll certainly accept my focus on my marriage to be a pursuit of the ideal state.  Regarding 'old fashioned', I prefer 'traditional'.  That is not to say that many couples don't currently agree with me.  Further, it should be noted that just because some couples no longer believe that marriage should be a true partnership, doesn't mean that the more traditional view is wrong.


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## Smitty37 (Oct 29, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> Andrew_K99 said:
> 
> 
> > Steve, I am restraining from replying to your comment as we are each entitled to an opinion here. I will say that, in my opinion, your opinion is quite idealistic and old fashioned. I'll say no more as this has already digressed enough.
> ...


We disagree on a lot of things but we agree on this. It's worked for Helen and me for 50 years and I think we'd both agree that the good has far out weighed the bad.


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## Gary Beasley (Oct 29, 2012)

sbell111 said:


> Andrew_K99 said:
> 
> 
> > Steve, I am restraining from replying to your comment as we are each entitled to an opinion here. I will say that, in my opinion, your opinion is quite idealistic and old fashioned. I'll say no more as this has already digressed enough.
> ...


 
Only thing important here is that this is the way you and your partner have agreed to run things and are happy with it. Whether we want to do the same or different is our choice. You are a good man either way and I respect that.
Old Fashioned...Like writing with a fine handmade pen?


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## AnachitlPut (Oct 29, 2012)

Wait what better suppliers?


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## Gilrock (Oct 30, 2012)

I think this thread has run it's course.


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## Smitty37 (Oct 30, 2012)

Gilrock said:


> I think this thread has run it's course.



Your opinion is duly noted and recorded...


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