# Everything I learned....



## ladycop322 (Aug 27, 2014)

I learned in kindergarten...one was:

IF YOU CANNOT BE NICE THEN DON'T SAY IT!

Just a reminder to some rude, ignorant and hateful people on this forum.

When I joined I felt very welcomed.  In the recent months, I have noticed some people, (you know who you are) that have been downright RUDE not only to me but to other 'newbies' on here.  It's disheartening that there are people out there that think they are so much better than others.  IMHO, it makes me sick.


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## tim self (Aug 27, 2014)

I've seen it grow increasingly irritating.  Like sharks circling waiting for chum or someone to devour.  The community was incredibly helpful and friendly 6 yrs ago with a few "mean" ones.  I don't know what happened but if I've noticed more and more of the good ones leave because of it.  Sad happenings. BUT, there's still more good than bad around.


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## ladycop322 (Aug 27, 2014)

Thank you Tim...I have considered leaving the forum due to the rude and hateful ones on here, however, I have met some lifelong friends that have bent over backwards for me in my time of need.  They, at no time, made me feel like I was ignorant or stupid like some people make others feel.  I find it very sad that the miserable ones have to go out of their way to make to make others feel inadequate.

I deal with a--holes all day, every day as a police officer...and do not appreciate it on this forum.  You are correct in your statement.  There are many more GOOD than BAD.   I pray for the GOOD and I especially pray for the BAD.  Maybe they will wake up tomorrow and treat others with kindness and respect.  Isn't that what we all deserve in this day and age?


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## ladycop322 (Aug 27, 2014)

I meant, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY IT.  My apologies...It's been one heck of a month...can't wait to start September.


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## solobiker (Aug 27, 2014)

It is kind of sad to me being that I am new to this site that I have already picked up on  the condescending people and pretty much do not even read their posts at all. They are not worth my time or effort.  I have received nice feedback on how to improve my pen turning which I appreciate.  Once my foot heels I will get back to posting pics in order to get ideas of how to improve. As my Mom always told me when I was growing up "Don't let the turkeys get you down"


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## solobiker (Aug 27, 2014)

ladycop322 said:


> I meant, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY IT.  My apologies...It's been one heck of a month...can't wait to start September.


 

Sorry ..I had to laugh at this.  My boss and I were having this conversation the other day at work since we have been dealing with some challenging patients and had sad the same thing so as a joke when she asked me a ? I just looked at her and hummed.  She said why are you humming and I said If you have nothing nice to say don't say it all.  :tongue:


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## mark james (Aug 27, 2014)

FWIW:   ...  At work I spend 95% of my time worrying about 3% of my "problem" people (be they students, parents, teachers).  I too often fail to focus on the 97% that are wonderful...

Sometimes its hard to stay tuned-in to what is going well as opposed to what is disappointing. 

And yes, IAP has a few (actually only a few) folks that just seem to enjoy arguing, or being snotty, or simply have a crummy disposition.  But, to be fair - they are that way to EVERYONE!!!  :at-wits-end:  So I tend to not even read their posts.


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## Nick (Aug 27, 2014)

Michelle, I have watched your progresss since you joined, and I have seen you progressed to some fine work, each piece is better than the last. Some folks would degrade your and others work, but you can hold your head high, knowing you are turning out remarkable pieces, don't let the UNINFORMED folks discourage your work,


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## Bob Wemm (Aug 27, 2014)

I agree with you Michelle, My philosophy is exactly the same as your and others. I'm often asked what I think about other peoples work. If I don't like it then at least I can compliment the amount of work that went into it's production. After all, just because I didn't like it, it doesn't mean that someone else wont.
I make things that I don't like but others love them.
Don't let the knockers get to you.
Thanks for starting this thread..

Bob.


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## studioseven (Aug 27, 2014)

Hey Lady Cop,
I read your post last night about lung irritants.  I don't usually use any protection but your post started me wondering if maybe I should rethink this.  Bottom line, I am now wearing a dust mask until I can get a proper vacuum system.  I'm betting there are others out there too.  Your post may have saved someone's life.  I enjoy pen turning and just marvel at all the pens that talented artists share on this site.  I hope you will stick around and enjoy this passion with us.

Seven


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## seamus7227 (Aug 27, 2014)

Im sure at some point in time or another, that i have said some things to people that may be considered "rude". So to those out there that may think that of me(i know no one is calling me out, but im calling myself out), I am truly sorry. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad, and that is no excuse but in the moment it can be difficult to maintain that level of control, unleashing the diarrhea of the mouth. Anyway, I'll be the first to admit that I have said my share of things on here that may have been mistaken for being rude or were in fact, flat out rude!


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## ladycop322 (Aug 27, 2014)

Thank you all for the kind words said on this post.  To those of you who have apologized for being rude, apology accepted except I don't think you were ever rude to me so thank you for the ones who you were rude to.


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## Cwalker935 (Aug 27, 2014)

I like you try to follow Thumper's mother's admonition that if you can't say anything nice say nothing at all.  Yet, I some times say things that are misunderstood or taken in the wrong way.  We have differing communication styles and that sort of thing probably cannot be avoided.   

When I see rude and condescending remarks I typically ignore them and try to remember advice that I often give to my daughters "you cannot control what others do and can only control how you react to them". 

In any event, I enjoy seeing your work and hope to see more of it.


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## Mr Vic (Aug 27, 2014)

"Illegitimus Non Carborundum" for a translation Goggle the International Order of Old Bs (IOOB).

In the mean time keep smiling and make them wonder what you're up to!

GROUP HUG!!!!!!


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## mmyshrall (Aug 27, 2014)

Michelle,

At first, like you, I was angry and sad to see comments like the ones to which you refer.  But, with a little patience and time, I learned three lessons:

1) How to block a specific person's posts.

2) The few bad apples should not spoil my enjoyment of the rest of the barrel.

3) How to simultaneously:
           a) Laugh at their antics.
           b) Have pity on someone whose life is seemingly devoted to tearing other people down, instead of lifting them up.

I have enjoyed watching, and even been a touch envious of, your progress and hope to see more of it in the future.

Michael


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## KBs Pensnmore (Aug 27, 2014)

ladycop322 said:


> I learned in kindergarten...one was:
> 
> IF YOU CANNOT BE NICE THEN DON'T SAY IT!
> 
> ...




 Hi, unfortunately I think it is a sign of the times, a bullying sort of tactic if you will. Those persons are so far up themselves, they think "newcomers" shouldn't be allowed on here. Weren't they a newcomer once!!!!!!
Stay with us, for they shall crawl back from under the rock from whence they came.:biggrin:
Kryn


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## OLDMAN5050 (Aug 28, 2014)

That is the reason I will not post any of my pen photos anymore. The few you talk about have to have a way to make themselves feel better about their work. I have been a member here for a lot of years and the good that comes from this forum far outweighs the negative. Continue on and keep doing what you do, your pen skills will keep improving. That is what it is all about. Have a good day...


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## mark james (Aug 28, 2014)

Not sure, maybe I misread Michelle's intent, but I think she was referring to simply RUDE comments; not critique and comments on her work - I suspect she is fine with critique - but folks that are simply rude to newer members who are "learning the ropes" for not just pen turning, but how to use the forum???


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## solobiker (Aug 28, 2014)

mark james said:


> Not sure, maybe I misread Michelle's intent, but I think she was referring to simply RUDE comments; not critique and comments on her work - I suspect she is fine with critique - but folks that are simply rude to newer members who are "learning the ropes" for not just pen turning, but how to use the forum???


 

That was what I thought too. I for one don't mind having my work critiqued it can only make be better right??  But one person tried to compare my work with " My mom can use a carbide and she's in the loony bin. Learn how to turn...not just be a tube turner. " And I did not even use a carbide tool, I used a skew. I have pretty much ignored every post from him. 

Keep having fun with your turning, I for one enjoy seeing your pics.


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## bjbear76 (Aug 28, 2014)

I'll bet there are many members that have quit posting pictures, asking questions, or just starting threads because they get rude remarks or put down for their inexperience.  I still read most of the topics daily and almost always learn something new or get new ideas to try.  I've learned to ignore the smart alec responses and move on.  Those few individuals must have too much time on their hands or just need to pat themselves on the back.  
I agree that part of it is our culture.  There are some people that need to put other people down to make themselves appear superior.  I don't know why....oh wait, I bet I could find the answer in the library!   

KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! :wink:


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## loydstuts (Aug 28, 2014)

Hang in there! If you leave, the idiots win. Besides, I like reading your posts.


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## mark james (Aug 28, 2014)

bjbear76 said:


> There are some people that need to put other people down to make themselves appear superior.  I don't know why....oh wait, I bet I could find the answer in the library!
> 
> KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! :wink:



:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## solobiker (Aug 28, 2014)

mark james said:


> bjbear76 said:
> 
> 
> > There are some people that need to put other people down to make themselves appear superior.  I don't know why....oh wait, I bet I could find the answer in the library!
> ...


 

LOL  thanks for the laugh.


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## Rounder (Aug 28, 2014)

I have learned that if you let someone make you mad, they are controlling YOUR life. Don't let them control your life by their inconsiderate ways. I don't want anyone else controlling my life! ( Except for my wonderful wife!)
Don't worry, be happy!!!


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## PenPal (Aug 28, 2014)

ladycop322 said:


> I meant, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY IT.  My apologies...It's been one heck of a month...can't wait to start September.



Michelle i have been a member for some time now and your remarks are familiar, I have no doubt there is stress in your work I observe it here in Australia.

Your reference you can hardly wait until September made me smile I was observing similar sentiments during the first week the Woodcraft Guild where I am a life member has its annual exhibition the next day Working With Wood visiting us for three days for the trade Demos etc, on the 6th I will be 80 yrs old on the 7th its fathers day over here, the 5th,6th and 7th I will be a Steward for my Wood Guild at the Wood Show that sponsors out annual exhibition that saves us 12.000 Aussie dollars each year. Looking forward to meeting great friends, new friends so I agree looking forward to September.

Was going to list the members of this forum I really enjoy to see contributing not enough time to and yes there are the others not enough time to.

Kind regards as you sift through the forum trust you will continue to gain confidence we are not in the minority. So much to be grateful for in my case 59 yrs with my adorable wife 6 children, around fifty grand and G grand children. I respect your remarks.

Happy September Peter.


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## mark james (Aug 28, 2014)

pwhay said:


> ladycop322 said:
> 
> 
> > I meant, IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY IT.  My apologies...It's been
> ...


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## Rockytime (Aug 28, 2014)

bjbear76 said:


> <SNIP>   I don't know why....oh wait, I bet I could find the answer in the library!
> WOW! That was cold.  :>)


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## mmyshrall (Aug 28, 2014)

Rockytime said:


> bjbear76 said:
> 
> 
> > <SNIP>   I don't know why....oh wait, I bet I could find the answer in the library!
> ...


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## Glenn McCullough (Aug 28, 2014)

Those that ridicule (THEY CALL IT CRITICISM) do so because they need to make themselves feel better. Most likely they do not have anyone telling them their work is good (because it probably ain't). Replies to those people only encourage them. If you do not respond, they do not have an audience and will go away. 
We should make it a forum rule that if you criticise unsolicited, " then you are saying your work stinks because you have to try to make others look bad to make yours look better!" we can cut and paste this statement to anyone who does so.
 we can do our own policing...no pun intended!
By the way, your pens are very well done, I am impressed with your progress...


QUOTE=ladycop322;1698287]Thank you Tim...I have considered leaving the forum due to the rude and hateful ones on here, however, I have met some lifelong friends that have bent over backwards for me in my time of need.  They, at no time, made me feel like I was ignorant or stupid like some people make others feel.  I find it very sad that the miserable ones have to go out of their way to make to make others feel inadequate.

I deal with a--holes all day, every day as a police officer...and do not appreciate it on this forum.  You are correct in your statement.  There are many more GOOD than BAD.   I pray for the GOOD and I especially pray for the BAD.  Maybe they will wake up tomorrow and treat others with kindness and respect.  Isn't that what we all deserve in this day and age?[/QUOTE]


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## NittanyLion (Aug 28, 2014)

I think that all of us have a duty to self police what is said here.  Yes, once and a while all of us may say something stupid.....but For the most part, the members you talk about, the constant abusers, push hard enough that others stand up and speak.  The roles then get reversed and that person feels bullied and heads for the door.  I recall one about a year ago.....his *TIME* began *TICKING*away....haven't heard from him since....


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## monophoto (Aug 28, 2014)

This kind of behavior is really another form of bullying.  And unfortunately, it appears to be one of the constant themes in human nature.  It's not limited to this forum - it's very common on internet forums where anonymity makes these jerks think they can get away with that kind of behavior.  But the sad fact is that its everywhere.  I'm not involved in a turning club, but I know our local camera club has a few arrogant jerks who try to dominate just about every conversation.

Unfortunately, the only way to avoid these people is to be a hermit so that you never have to interact with others.  But most of us need social interaction, so being a recluse isn't really a good solution.


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## ladycop322 (Aug 28, 2014)

Cold but true!  Thank you Mark....I had a difficult day at work and that made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!


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## KBs Pensnmore (Aug 29, 2014)

Ladycop, keep smiling, and just ignore them, for they know not what they do :biggrin:
Kryn


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## Displaced Canadian (Aug 29, 2014)

It has been a difficult summer. I was starting to think that whoever dumped the whole bucket of crazy in the water supply just did it in my neck of the woods. Apparently it went everywhere. My thought is when a person has a direct specific question just answer it. If it's a large more generic question that a library article would be a great help, post the link and then answer any questions that arise. We all learn in different ways and what may seem clear to one person may not be to another. I try to live my life by the motto, Don't be that guy. Every time I see an adult acting like a child I remind myself. Don't be that guy.


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## mark james (Aug 29, 2014)

Displaced Canadian said:


> Don't be that guy.



And don't drive like my brother...


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## kovalcik (Sep 3, 2014)

Amen!  Some people think it makes them look better by putting down others.  Just the opposite!

This may be a good time to point out a couple of features of the site.  The yellow triangle under each posters name in a thread lets you report inappropriate posts.  Second, somewhere in your profile (i need to look for it again) you can block individual posters so you never see a post from them again.   I think these need to be employed more often to help restore civility.


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## AceMrFixIt (Sep 3, 2014)

You can only make me feel bad....if I let you. Ignore them....


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## cestmoi (Sep 3, 2014)

Well, we all have a choice to be negative or positive. I try to be a glass-half-full kind of person. And just to throw a little more positive energy on the subject, let me just say that each and every turner or turner-to-be on here has his/her individual strengths and talents that are unique and a gift God. I may not turn perfectly, but I turn as perfectly as I can. Maybe that's something we all should keep in mind when commenting.


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