# Givers and Takers



## its_virgil (Jul 24, 2016)

I've been a member here since day 1 (or day two or three). 99% of us are givers and freely share what we know and have learned. But there are a few takers. I get several PM's and emails each week asking for advice and guidance. I freely share what I know as do most of our members. I receive follow up messages expressing thanks and gratitude for the help...but not every time. How difficult is it to simply send a THANK YOU message to those who answer email and PM questions? 

Several days ago I was asked a question by someone who has been a member since 2008 but only has 38 total posts. My response to the question was quite lengthly. I have yet to hear back from the person asking the question. Has he seen it? Maybe he doesn't check in as often as others of us do. I have no idea. Just a simple "Thanks you"! How difficult is this common courtesy?

Yes, I will continue to answer questions and share what (little) I know. Thanks will come for almost all of the answers but I know there will be a very few from whom I will never receive a thanks! Just Sahying.

Do a good turn daily!
Don


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## mecompco (Jul 24, 2016)

Donl, it's too bad not all members are courteous enough to respond with thanks to advice given. Personally, I highly respect you "old timers", and love the fact that you guys who have "been there, and done that" continue to offer guidance to us newbies. I'll freely admit that after a year here I'm not quite a noob but I still have tons to learn. Thank you for continuing to offer advice and guidance!

Regards,
Michael


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## jttheclockman (Jul 24, 2016)

Don, you have once again touched a nerve that I have trouble with also. This subject has come up many times over the years as you probably know. I too entertain many PM's, some asking for advice and some just offering advice as to where I should go and how I should get there But I too am the type person that feels I need to write a book so that I cover the answer that the OP is asking. Many times people do not understand that there is no simple basic answer to their questions and it has taken you years of experimenting and learning things to do what you do.  

Now for the most part anyone who PM's me asking questions does so very politely and does respond with thanks. My problem is many times I see and also have taken the time to answer questions with some length and get no response in threads. Not even some sort of acknowledgement that they at least read it. There are quite a few members here that do the same thing and I always admire when they take the time and put the effort into their answers and it does not go unnoticed. 

I have gotten some nasty mail when I mention to people to do searches here. For some reason that seems to be a no-no or bad words or something. To do the work for them and do searches and then tell them look here just goes so far. I have made a conscious effort in that area but it does get annoying some times with questions that are asked that 2 days ago were asked again. I know it is the nature of any forum for this to happen so please no letters

If you ask a question please at least check back and acknowledge those that answered. If you have the time to come here and ask the question you have the time to respond when answered. The excuse well I forgot does not hold water. Then the question was not that important to you in the first place so do not waste our time asking. That may sound a bit harsh but it is true. 

Sharing knowledge is what this site was built on and I am one who will share any info I have. I have no secret methods of doing things. I have no secret formulas. I have learned what I know from others so why not pass them on. 

I think what Don is saying please extend a thank you note when someone takes the time to reply to your questions. 

Good luck and happy turning to all. Again another book


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## Marnat3 (Jul 24, 2016)

Thank you for sharing and handing down the advice and guidance.

You are one of the many reasons this place is what it is.


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## JimB (Jul 24, 2016)

I've seen this issue many times in many threads. I don't expect a personal 'thank you' each time I give advice but there are many times it appears the OP never even returns to see the responses to their question. I simple 'thanks everyone for the suggestions' is all it takes.

I was a turning newbie when I joined here. Many people gave me detailed responses in the threads and also via PM. I made sure I said 'thank you' to all those folks. They took the time to help me. I owed them much more but a Thank You was all I had. Now I try to pay it forward by giving advice when I can.


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## its_virgil (Jul 24, 2016)

I agree. The takers lurk, ask and never are seen again...until the next question then they vanish.
Do a good turn daily!
Don



JimB said:


> I've seen this issue many times in many threads. I don't expect a personal 'thank you' each time I give advice but* there are many times it appears the OP never even returns to see the responses to their question.* I simple 'thanks everyone for the suggestions' is all it takes.


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## liljohn1368 (Jul 24, 2016)

I haven't been here but a little over a year so I can't grumble to much about not getting a thank you. But at least hit the like button when someone answers your questions.


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## KenV (Jul 24, 2016)

And a notch or two past the takers are the "demanders" who demand the providing of detailed instructions on how to do something.

They never say thanks and just grumble because it was not detailed enough to get perfect outcomes the first try.


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## bobleibo (Jul 24, 2016)

Don 
You hit the nail on the head when you said _"How difficult is this common courtesy?"_. Some people have it and some don't but I wouldn't let someone else's lack of manners get you down. At some point you will be re-paid for your generosity and helping hand, and so will they. We just never know how or when but that's what makes it fun. KARMA is a powerful force.
Cheers
Bob


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## wood-of-1kind (Jul 24, 2016)

I am thankful for the 99% IAP that we have here and do not worry about the other possibly 1% that are 'ungrateful'. Overall we have a great crowd here.

Thank you Don for all that you share with us.


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## Rockytime (Jul 24, 2016)

its_virgil said:


> I've been a member here since day 1 (or day two or three). 99% of us are givers and freely share what we know and have learned. But there are a few takers. I get several PM's and emails each week asking for advice and guidance. I freely share what I know as do most of our members. I receive follow up messages expressing thanks and gratitude for the help...but not every time. How difficult is it to simply send a THANK YOU message to those who answer email and PM questions? <SNIP>
> 
> Do a good turn daily!
> Don



Good reminder which reminds me, I think it was you from whom I plagiarized the idea of using shower hooks and baggies to store my bushings. I have passed this idea along several times without giving credit. My apologies and if it was not you I stole the idea from I apologize to whomever it was.


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## Scott (Jul 24, 2016)

(Chuckle!)

Hi Don!

I hear you!  I understand completely!  (From one of the few that has been here even longer than you have!). ;-)

But what many of us know, but don't take the time to say, is that you are one of the most giving, knowledgable, and generous people I know, and not just on this site!  For my part, I can't thank you enough for taking over the writing of those articles and kicking up the quality a couple of notches.  You have conveyed more information about penturning to more people than even you will ever know.  It's sad that some don't have the common courtesy to say thanks, but there are countless Penturners who are thankful for your teaching every time they step in front of their lathe, and I am happy to say I am one of them!  I know this probably embarrasses you, but you have made a positive impact on so many people.  It doesn't hurt to say thanks every now and then!

Take care!

Scott.


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## jkirkb94 (Jul 24, 2016)

I personally am thankful for all the members. This association and the members are one of the main reasons that I am still turning today. The inspirations from techniques and pictures have kept this hobby alive for me. I stopped for while and was about ready to give it up but thanks to the generosity of people to teach and show their what they have done brought me back.  Even simple pictures have helped. Thanks.


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## leehljp (Jul 24, 2016)

Thanks Don, for all of your help and encouragement. I got into pen turning because I loved the smell of wood of different kinds and it was hard to get the tools out of crowded storage in Japan and put them up after a project. So I decided to try turning pens in order to be able to complete a project in the same day I started. I was totally new. You guys offered some great technical (and technique) advice and help. 

When I frist came here and saw your name, I almost PM'd you to ask if you were a retired college baseball coach from the late '60s early 70's. Had a coach at my small MS school (Delta State College) with the name of Don Ward. DSC, now DSU, was ranked in small colleges for baseball while he was there. Thought I had found the coach. Never did PM you. Are you that retired college baseball coach?


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## its_virgil (Jul 24, 2016)

Hank,
No, I'm not he. I'm a retired high school mathematics teacher. Good to see you back.
Do a good turn daily!
Don



leehljp said:


> Never did PM you. Are you that retired college baseball coach?


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## ed4copies (Jul 24, 2016)

Hey Don,

Just got finished with 3 days as a vendor at "Turn-On Chicago".  Dozens of "face-to-face" questions, I tried to answer them all as accurately as possible.  

One thing that happens at those events:  people you don't know will walk up and say "thanks"--I did not help that particular individual, but he read some of the posts here and just wanted to "say thanks, in person!!"

In fact, your name was in a couple conversations (uttered reverently!!)  Yah, there are some ingrates--forget them!  Concentrate on the many wonderful people you have met either in person or on-line, who credit YOU (at least partially) for their success.  In my case, they frequently give me much more credit than I deserve!!

Don't let the chaff ruin your wheat!!!


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## Gin N' Tonic (Jul 25, 2016)

its_virgil said:


> Yes, I will continue to answer questions and share what (little) I know.



Don,

I think you've forgotten more than I will ever know!


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## Edward Cypher (Jul 25, 2016)

I am thankful to all who have shared and try to pay-it-forward when I can.  This is a wonderful site and most of the people are very helpful.


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## Dalecamino (Jul 27, 2016)

I joined in '08 but I don't recall ever haven asked you anything in a PM. But, if I did, and failed to even say "Thank You" for the help and advice, I will say it now. THANK YOU Don! And, again for all of your contributions to this hobby!

BTW, Happy Birthday!!


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## Chasper (Jul 27, 2016)

I'm another long time member (almost 10 years) who gets regular info requests. For the most part, expressions of appreciation for the information is non-existent.  I've cut way back on my participation on the site as a result. As I have cut back on replying to posts, the number of PMs has decreased as well. 

I learned a lot, and still do learn something almost every time I visit IAP.   But most of what I learned came from going through the process of reading previous posts and searching for topics I wanted to know more about.  IAP is a fabulous resource that I am personally grateful for, all it takes is a little digging and using the excellent search tools that are available.  I appreciate those of you who unofficially serve in the "ask an expert" role, but personally I'm no longer doing much of  that.  When someone PMs me with a request for personal consulting, I don't mind telling them to look it up.


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## Ambidex (Jul 27, 2016)

It seems to be the way of the world these days. Some parents are too plain lazy to teach their children manners and respect. They seem to want to be their childrens' friends instead of being a responsible parent first. On the other hand I've noticed many of the younger members here are exceedingly polite and respectful. Let's enjoy that...:biggrin::biggrin:


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## sbwertz (Jul 28, 2016)

If I have been guilty in the past of failing to thank someone, I humbly apologize. I am so grateful for everything IAP has done for me and for the Blind turning project.  If I accidentally failed to thank someone, please accept my apology and know we are eternally grateful for your help and support.


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## MrPukaShell (Jul 28, 2016)

I do stuff to help people and expect nothing in return.  I do it for myself and myself only.  When I do get a "Thanks" it puts a smile on my face.  I don't know what other people are going through so I tend to not make judgement.


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## eharri446 (Aug 3, 2016)

I have only been a member for around six months and started out as an empty vessel in search of knowledge. I also sometimes forget to say thank you when someone answer a question. It is not through bad manners but in most case it is a case of too much to do and not enough time to do.

I have repeatedly stress to my two sons when they were growing up that a simple thank you or your welcome does not cost anyone anything but it very much appreciated.

So having said that let me give all of you, new or long time members, old or young, who take time to help those of that are new in this world of pen turning a very special

*"Thank You"* 

for your time and effort.


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## its_virgil (Aug 3, 2016)

Thanks for the replies and the thank you's.

I did not make my original post to make anyone feel guilty and I am not fishing for any recognition or pats on the back...but they have been nice.

Its just that I (and I'm sure others) get several emails or PMs weekly asking advice and I DO NOT mind giving and sharing what I can. But often it is never known whether or not the answers were read. These questions show up and are answered and the questioner then disappears never to be heard from again...or at least until they have another question. Anyway, when we seek advice a simple thank you at least tells those who answer that the post or PM or email with the answer was seen. Thanks to all!
Do a good turn daily!
Don


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## donstephan (Aug 3, 2016)

Would perhaps some of those questions and answers be helpful to more than just the person sending a private message (PM)?  When I join a new forum (like this one last week) I find it very helpful to peruse the most recent pages of discussions to gain a lot of information quickly and efficiently.


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## ed4copies (Aug 3, 2016)

donstephan said:


> Would perhaps some of those questions and answers be helpful to more than just the person sending a private message (PM)?  When I join a new forum (like this one last week) I find it very helpful to peruse the most recent pages of discussions to gain a lot of information quickly and efficiently.



I don't know how Don feels about this, but I know I will be far more candid in a PM.  In the forum, someone will disagree, just to be disagreeable.  So, in PM, I can say what I think and explain why without deriding comments.
FWIW!!


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## sbwertz (Aug 5, 2016)

ed4copies said:


> donstephan said:
> 
> 
> > Would perhaps some of those questions and answers be helpful to more than just the person sending a private message (PM)?  When I join a new forum (like this one last week) I find it very helpful to peruse the most recent pages of discussions to gain a lot of information quickly and efficiently.
> ...




Oh yes...when I was a beginner, I asked a question on the forum about something...don't even remember what it was.  One of the members (who no longer posts here, by the way) was VERY rude to me. (Rude enough that the moderator deleted the post.)  It took me a long time to get up the nerve to ask another question on the forum.


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## TonyL (Aug 5, 2016)

MrPukaShell said:


> I do stuff to help people and expect nothing in return.  I do it for myself and myself only.  When I do get a "Thanks" it puts a smile on my face.  I don't know what other people are going through so I tend to not make judgement.


 

I agree.


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## Smitty37 (Aug 5, 2016)

MrPukaShell said:


> I do stuff to help people and expect nothing in return.  I do it for myself and myself only.  When I do get a "Thanks" it puts a smile on my face.  I don't know what other people are going through so I tend to not make judgement.


 I agree, if you do something and expect nothing in return, you will never be disappointed.  If you do get something you can be happy about it.


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## jttheclockman (Aug 5, 2016)

TonyL said:


> MrPukaShell said:
> 
> 
> > I do stuff to help people and expect nothing in return.  I do it for myself and myself only.  When I do get a "Thanks" it puts a smile on my face.  I don't know what other people are going through so I tend to not make judgement.
> ...





Smitty37 said:


> MrPukaShell said:
> 
> 
> > I do stuff to help people and expect nothing in return.  I do it for myself and myself only.  When I do get a "Thanks" it puts a smile on my face.  I don't know what other people are going through so I tend to not make judgement.
> ...



While this is all admirable, it is not the precedent I hope is not followed here. So many times people take the time to ask questions and a simple thanks to at least acknowledge the response is not at all out of the question. I mean how hard is that??  If you do not have the time to come back to look at the responses then it sends a message to those, why bother answering. Heck let them look it up. That is not what we are about here. I do not get it either.


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## Smitty37 (Aug 7, 2016)

jttheclockman said:


> TonyL said:
> 
> 
> > MrPukaShell said:
> ...


JT, what I said applies only to me.  If I reply to a request for help or information, I expect nothing in return.  If someone fails to say "thank you" that monkey is on their back, not mine.  I get quite a few emails asking questions.  I answer them.  Most of the time I get a response saying "thank you"...sometimes I don't. But even if I knew for sure they wouldn't thank me, I'd still answer the question.


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## jttheclockman (Aug 7, 2016)

I know what you are saying Smitty and I am the same way but if people see this happening on a regular basis it sends a wrong message. I think the Op just is pointing out the fact it is so nice to get and send a quick thanks. In this every day fast pace society where we have to use abbreviations and move quickly it is nice to be acknowledged for the effort you put into the answer.


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