# Chuck Norris Facts



## edicehouse (Jan 20, 2012)

Some of you may have heard of the Chuck Norris facts; here is a new one:


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## Turned Around (Jan 20, 2012)

He can win a game of Connect Four in 3 moves


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## LeeR (Jan 20, 2012)

Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.


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## toddlajoie (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris has to sleep with a night light on...



Cause the dark is afraid of him.


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## eupher58 (Jan 20, 2012)

Must...resist...crummy...Chuck...Norris...fact....Ahhhhh I just can't help it!  If Chuck Norris were a soup, he'd be cream of death....


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## Powerstroke 7.3 (Jan 20, 2012)

Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection..


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## hewunch (Jan 20, 2012)

Behind Chuck Norris' Gotee is.... another fist


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## jedgerton (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris reboots his computer by pressing only Alt-Delete because he is always in control. 

John


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## Scott.tudhope (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands, now they just call them the islands.


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## navycop (Jan 20, 2012)

Couldn't think of one so I barrowed this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj2Zf9tlg2Y


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## Ankrom Exotics (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin........ that he built with his bare hands.


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## ragz (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris did push UPS once. The physical impact caused to the earth are evidenced by the Grand Canyon and the Himalayas.


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## Jesus (Jan 20, 2012)

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.


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## jasontg99 (Jan 21, 2012)

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Chuck Norris does not call the wrong phone number.  You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris played baseball once.  He went 4 for 3.

Chuch Norris does not sleep.  He waits.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, the word hunting implies the possibility of failure.  Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris says silver rymes with orange...and it does.

Jesus once saw Chuck Norris in his tortilla.


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## ragz (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris one punched a horse creating what is now know as a giraffe.

During Shark week the sharks watch Chuck Norris.

Aliens once abducted Chuck Norris to be probed by him.

Chuck Norris can in fact swim through land.

Bear Grylls, Survivor Man, Dual Survivors and Man Woman Wild all tried to survive a Chuck Norris walk in the wild. Only the woman survived because Chuck Norris allowed it.


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## tbroye (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris doesn't drink Beer often, but when he does it's a BUD.


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## Rolland (Jan 21, 2012)

chuck norris gargles peanut butter
The boogy man looks under his bed for chuck norris before going to sleep


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## EBorraga (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, to bad Chuck Norris never cry's.


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## Sancho (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris has to have a concealed weapons license in all fifty states, and that's just so he can wear pants.

Cuck Norris once got a woman pregnant simply by pointing his finger at her and saying "Booyah!".

When Chuck Norris goes camping, bears and wolves light campfires to try and keep him away.

Chuck Norris gives blood to the red cross, just not his own.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you so hard that it alters your DNA. Years from now your grandkids will drop dead for no reason.

Chuck Norris can take a daimond, and ssttretcchh it out til it becomes a lump of coal.


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## chrisk (Jan 21, 2012)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Come on... there is ONE guy matching Chuck Norris... Allow me to introduce you... Jean-Claude Vandamme...


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## Sancho (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris and Jean Claud Vandamme once walked into a bar. The building experienced spontanious combustion and burnt to the ground because one structure cannot hold that much awesomness.


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## TellicoTurning (Jan 21, 2012)

Chuck Norris said Newt Gingrich WILL be the next president.


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## toddlajoie (Jan 21, 2012)

If at first you don't succeed....


You are not Chuck Norris.


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## edicehouse (Jan 21, 2012)

Go to google, and put "where is Chuck Norris" and hit feeling lucky.  It is funny.


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## EBorraga (Jan 21, 2012)

The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris when he goes to sleep.


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## BlackPearl (Jan 21, 2012)

TellicoTurning said:


> Chuck Norris said Newt Gingrich WILL be the next president.



It was the first time he was wrong.


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## edicehouse (Jan 21, 2012)

God said let there be light, and Chuck Norris said "Say Please!"
You ever want to see the list of Chuck Norris's enemies, check the endangered species list.


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## Knucklefish (Jan 21, 2012)

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.


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## Rolland (Jan 21, 2012)

If Chuck Norris was such a god he would appear here and slam my head into this key boarjjfdkas09089754jh54`34mbfeal;kfddfaiopuer


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## navycop (Jan 22, 2012)

edicehouse said:


> Go to google, and put "where is Chuck Norris" and hit feeling lucky. It is funny.


 Google


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## Sancho (Jan 22, 2012)

Chuck Norris actually died several years ago, the Grim Reaper is just too scared to tell him so.

At the nativity when Jesus was born there were actually Four wisemen. The first three gave baby Jesus gold frankincense and myrrh, then Chuck Norris appeared and gave baby Jesus the gift of "the beard". Jesus loved this gift so much he wore it all his life. This made the other wisemen so jealous they wrote him out of the bible.

There was once an army assembled just to destroy Chuck Norris. He met this army on the battlefield and told them a joke that was so funny they all laughed themselves to DEATH! Then he told them the joke backwards, which brought them all back to life - so he could kill them all in hand-to-hand combat.


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## tbroye (Jan 22, 2012)

"The most interesting man in the world", kneels and kisses Chuck"s hand when he is in his prescience


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## LarryDNJR (Jan 23, 2012)

Rolland said:


> If Chuck Norris was such a god he would appear here and slam my head into this key boarjjfdkas09089754jh54`34mbfeal;kfddfaiopuer




I seriously LOLed on that one.  Nice


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## biednick (Jan 23, 2012)

Chuck norris can slam a revolving door


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## hunter-27 (Jan 23, 2012)

Chuck Norris gives Tylenol a headache!


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## EBorraga (Jan 23, 2012)

Chuck Norris actually hurt his first person when he was born. Nobody slaps Chuck Norris and gets away with it!!!


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## Rolland (Jan 24, 2012)

Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a child.

Once on Hiroshima, once on Nagasaki
he can blow bubbles with beef jerky
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis


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## skiprat (Jan 24, 2012)

Chuck Norris is a woos:biggrin:


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## tbroye (Jan 25, 2012)

Chuch Norris walks on water











He know where the rocks are.


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## edicehouse (Jan 25, 2012)

navycop said:


> edicehouse said:
> 
> 
> > Go to google, and put "where is Chuck Norris" and hit feeling lucky. It is funny.
> ...


 
You have to type in "Where is Chuck Norris" and hit the button underneath I am feeling lucky.  Chuck Norris - Google Search that is the site that comes up!


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## edicehouse (Jan 25, 2012)

Once a cop pulled Chuck Norris over, and the cop left with a warning.


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## edicehouse (Jan 25, 2012)

Wait....  Once Eli Manning and Superman played a game of football, and the loser has to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants!


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## Sancho (Jan 25, 2012)

Once Chuck Norris swallowed a Rubik's cube whole, when he pooped it out it was solved.

If you write in "Chuck Norris" as the answer to all of the questions on your S.A.T. test, you will get a score of 2400.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down!

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.


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## Justturnin (Jan 25, 2012)

Chuck Norris does no do push-ups he pushes the Earth down


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## edicehouse (Jan 25, 2012)

You came here so Chuck Norris would not find out you don't research him!


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## Sancho (Jan 26, 2012)

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the front porch and dares the grass to grow.

Miss Daisy Drove Chuck Norris.

Hmmm Yoda's teacher Chuck was.

Hospitals were invented the day after Chuck Norris was born

When David Banner gets angry he becomes "The Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry he becomes Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not stub his toes, he accidently destroys chairs, bedframes and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris never won an oscar because nobody is dumb enough to hand Chuck Norris a blunt instrument.


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## edicehouse (Jan 28, 2012)

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh#$ out of it!


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## edicehouse (Feb 3, 2012)

Chuck Norris know's the Giants will win the Super Bowl!


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## feeneypens (Feb 3, 2012)

Chuck Norris once clogged the toilet with his ****...


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## feeneypens (Feb 3, 2012)

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake...


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## feeneypens (Feb 3, 2012)

feeneypens said:
			
		

> Chuck Norris once clogged the toilet with his ****...



Oops! Didn't realize that would block that word! I meant p1$$.


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